Growing Up

Welcome Home!

2008-01-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

I've seen this link at a couple of blogs recently. It is from a guy in Georgia who has a talk radio show and was the pastor of one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the world. But now he is coming home to the Catholic Church! Anyone coming home is exciting, but this is even more exciting since I used to be Methodist!

And on a related note, yesterday began the octave of prayer for Christian Unity. Here is the prayer I'm praying:

Jesus Christ, our Lord and our brother,
you have called us to be your one Church.
Make us one in our faith and hope,
and one in our loving service.
Make us one in worship and in daily living.

Lord Jesus,
send your Spirit to make us one
as you want us to be.

We ask this, Jesus,
for you are our Lord and our saviour for ever.

Amen.

Our Father...Hail Mary...

2008-01-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

I've been reading On Being Catholic by Thomas Howard and it is quickly becoming one of my favorite books! I just finished the chapter on "Tradition in Prayer" at a number of things struck me. It talked about how prayers like the Our Father wrap up everything that we pray for, "that the seven petitions place upon our very tongues all that a mortal should be saying on the long itinerary from his conception, stained by original sin, to the fruition of his journey in the Beatific Vision."

I like that. Often when I want to pray, but don't have anything particular that I want to say, I will pray the Our Father. I love the idea that everything I could possibly want and need to say is wrapped up in it.

The other familiar prayer he talks about is the Hail Mary. He says that the point of praying it is that "one's lips are continually forming words acutely appropriate for any believer in any possible situation, and this assists one's mind to tarry in this place, along with the one, namely the Virgin Mary, who among us mortals, exhibited the perfect response to the will of God."

This is a helpful idea for me. I have found myself praying the Hail Mary in much the same way as the Our Father, but that seemed weird because usually when it is discussed, it is within the context of the Rosary and the meditations. This idea, however, makes it a more "useful" prayer in a broader sense. As I pray Hail Mary, full of grace, I am saying, along with Mary, may it be done according to thy will. And that is a prayer that is appropriate for every moment of the day!

Baptism

2008-01-13T21:39:00.000-07:00

Since today we celebrate the Baptism of Our Lord, I've been thinking about my own baptism in the few spare moments I've had.

I was just baptized nearly three years ago in a United Methodist Church, the one I was a part of before I became Catholic. Since I had been in many different types of churches, I had heard a lot of different opinions on baptism and wasn't really sure what my thoughts were. Finally I came to the point that for some reason baptism was important, even if I wasn't entirely sure. So I had a nice little chat with my pastor and we decided I would be baptized on the evening (that is when I usually actually went to church) of Easter.

This is another thing that really shows me the power of the Sacraments, of having this physical thing attached to the grace. I have very vivid memories of kneeling there at the front of the church as my pastor cups her hands together and scoops up the water and lets it fall over my head and run down my back. And then as she placed her hands on my head and prayed for me.

Even though I didn't totally realize it at the time, I see how powerful a moment that was. Not only was all my sin washed away, I was truly and visibly a member of the Body of Christ. It wasn't solely based on my feelings of being a Christian, it is based on this specific moment in time.

The Devil Acts Like Kids

2008-01-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a podcast from Father John Riccardo. He was talking about the devil and said this:

The evil one knows he's lost the battle and he's just trying to reek havoc and he lost definitively at calvary, which is when his power was robbed. His game now is just to seduce and to frustrate, and to eternally frustrate if he can, us from reaching the goal, which is communion with God and union with each other.

It struck me as interesting because that sounds just like a bunch of the kids where I work!

All my kids will be playing some game together and be having a great time, but then someone gets mad, usually for some silly little reason. So she quits and stomps off and pout for a bit. Then instead of just getting over it and joining in the fun, she goes over and tries and drag her friends, and anyone else she can, away from the game they were enjoying. She isn't content with making her point by just quitting and pouting, no that isn't big enough. She wants as many people as she can get to side with her!

It drives me crazy when one of my kids does this!

So this is what the devil is trying to do to me. He has lost, God has won! Now the devil won't be content with just accepting this, he is trying to get me, and everyone else, to quit playing with God. If he can't, then no one else should either! So instead of getting dragged away from the fun I'm already having, I need to just stay in the game!

Continuing the Journey

2008-01-01T23:50:00.001-07:00

It has now been a little over a month since I became Catholic and I'm quite certain that being Catholic is the coolest thing ever! Every night as I sit down and pray a “Catholic” prayer, I'm more of it. Every time I get a chance to talk about it, I'm more sure of it. Most of all, every time I go to Mass, I'm more sure of it. I'm so incredibly thankful for this amazing privilege and blessing.

Some days I am totally in shock that this is where I ended up. I have no idea how I got here. Other days, I feel like I've been Catholic forever. Either way, I love it! I can't even begin to find words to express how much I love being Catholic and how much peace it has brought.

I'm now inside this great Cathedral and there is so much to explore and look at and learn. I'll never see it all, but I love discovering all of the new things!

I'm Catholic!

Mary, Mother of God

2008-01-01T22:04:00.000-07:00

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

The Incarnation

2008-01-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in my church before Mass today and just thinking. My gaze was drifting across three different things at the front of the church. First I would look at the big crucifix hanging on the wall in the Sanctuary. Then my thoughts would drift over to the nativity scene. I looked at Mary and Joseph and the shepherds all looking at this tiny little baby. Next was the Tabernacle. Here Jesus is truly present in the Blessed Host.

What a striking reminder all of these are of the miracle of the Incarnation. The God of the universe who was here before time began, Creator of all things, became man and was born into creation in this tiny little baby boy I see in this nativity. Then, the baby, grew up and became a man who suffered and died on this cross. This is God, dying for my sins, and the sins of the world. Now, each time Mass is celebrated, Jesus comes to us again, body, soul, and divinity, in what was once bread and wine. And when I go, I get to receive this very same Jesus into my own body.

This is the miracle of the Incarnation! God coming to us in the incredible ways. I can't even begin to understand this miracle, but I'm so thankful for it. And I'm thankful for this deeper understanding of it as a Catholic.

How Alike We Are

2007-12-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how much we are all alike. I discovered this show on the Travel Channel about people who live on this island of Tanna in the South Pacific. They live a VERY traditional life, nothing even remotely modern. Think National Geographic pictures of people walking around in practically nothing, living off the land. It is fascinating because despite how totally different our way of life is, in many ways we are exactly the same!

The guys all like to compete with each other and show off. The women complain about the men not doing enough work. The parents are eager to teach their children their way of life. The children learn from their familes. There is the always a "class clown." The kids love playing games. Special foods are great rewards for the kids. Special days are celebrated by lots of food and dancing. Growing up is scary. A child leaving home makes parents cry.

We really are all the same.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas Day and that the season continues to be a wonderful time of reflection on Christ's birth!

I had a great time. I went to Midnight Mass which was just AMAZING! I have always loved the late night services on Christmas Eve, but this was a thousand times better! Right before Mass started the whole church was totally dark and Father processed up the aisle with a little girl holding the Christ Child. They placed him in the manger scene at the front of the church. The the Christmas trees and the big star hanging above the altar were lit. Christ, the Light of the World, as come! Christ has come to us in this tiny baby and will soon come to us in the bread and wine. What a miracle! How wonderful!

Also as I was leaving the church after Mass and shaking Monsignor's hand he said something about this being my first mid-night Mass and I told him I loved it! I really like Monsignor and it is encouraging when he recognizes stuff like that. I like that he at least recognizes me. It is a HUGE parish, so that is nice.

Then I went to Mass on Christmas day again and that was equally wonderful! Every time I go to Mass I am more and more thankful that I get to be Catholic and get to participate in all of this! I LOVE it!

Then I hung out with my friend and her family all afternoon and evening. It was great fun. They have basically become my family down here. I played with kids and got to see all of their presents and chatted with my friend and just had a great day. I'm grateful for them and that I can hangout there and just be comfortable and not feel like I'm invading anything. It is great to have friends like that!

Advent Mass

2007-12-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure that I've mentioned how much I love being Catholic and going to Mass in the past day or so. My favorite priest said Mass today and I was once again reminded how much I love it all. He says Mass so slowly and reverently, not that the other priests rush through, not at all, but this one is even slower.

I love that during Advent it isn't all decorated for Christmas. There are a couple evergreen trees up, but nothing on them, and this week a big star appeared over the altar, but that is about it. Mass is quieter. The church starts out in darkness, well, as dark as it gets in the middle of the day. The priest doesn't process down the main aisle, but comes up from the side in silence and sits down. We have been doing the Kyrie in Greek and the Sanctus and Agnus Dei in Latin.

I like that Advent is different. It isn't Christmas extended before Christmas. It isn't just normal with a couple of extra things thrown in. The whole thing is different. It really is a season of preparation. I'm not just getting ready for Christmas, putting up decorations, buying presents, sending out cards, but I'm preparing my heart to receive Christ in a new way. I've been watching and waiting. The anticipation has been building. I had a chance to "clean house" last weekend in reconciliation. My heart is getting ready to receive Jesus on Christmas!

Emmanuel! God is truly with us!

Holy Mother of God

2007-12-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

I was sitting on my floor this evening praying a couple of decades of the Rosary like I try to do every night. For some reason tonight the phrase "Holy Mother of God" just hit me. How amazing is it that Mary really is the Mother of God. She carried God in her womb, held Him in her hands, watched Him grow up, saw His miracles, watched Him suffer and die, and saw Him after the resurrection. God in all of this.

How amazing is it that God really did become man! He was born, grew, ate, drank, everything just like us. Yet somehow was also truly God. What an amazing miracle this is!

In the words of Mary:

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.
For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness;
behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.
The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.

Privileges and Responsibilities

2007-12-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

One thought that has floated through my head a number of times is that I'm now fully Catholic with all of the privileges and responsibilities that come with that.

A few weeks ago was the solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, a holy day of obligation. So I had to make sure that I got to Mass on both Saturday and Sunday. I've gone to Mass on the last couple of holy days, but it is an even bigger deal to make sure I go now. I also have to make sure that I observe the Communion fast before I go to Mass. Again, I've usually been doing this anyway, but if I didn't plan well or whatever, I didn't worry too much since I couldn't receive anyway. I'm Catholic so I'm obligated to do these things now.

Funny thing is, it doesn't really feel like an obligation. The privileges that come with it are just amazing! I get to observe these special days in the church year by going to Mass, and when I go to Mass, I get to receive Jesus! I get to not eat before I go to Mass so I can prepare myself for worship and remember what an awesome privilege it is. These "rules" bring me great pleasure because of all the things that go with them.

It reminds me of the book I just finished, Letters to a Young Catholic. The last bit was talking about freedom and what that means. He says that all of those rules, holy days of obligation, fasting, aren't just arbitrary rules, but that "the moral life involves rules for living that emerge from inside the human heart and its thirst for happiness with God." Real freedom isn't being able to do what I want, that doesn't bring happiness. Real freedoms is "the kind of freedom that satisfies our natural desire for happiness, which itself reflects our desire for God, who is all Good, all the way. Freedom helps us grow into the kind of people who can live with that God forever."

That is what all of those responsibilities are about. They aren't a burden imposed on me randomly and for no reason. They are a privilege that have emerged from humans hearts for the past 2000 years. They bring real freedom. They bring salvation!

I'm Still Alive

2007-12-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am still alive out here. I've had a few posts floating around in my head, but haven't gotten around to finishing them. Christmas craziness, general business, a lovely cold, and a bit of laziness thrown in. So I will try and get some out this week!

Yesterday was another wonderful day, again confirming how much I love being Catholic. I went to my old church for their children's Christmas program. It was a lot of fun to see a bunch of my kids and get all kinds of hugs! But there was just something missing. It isn't the same.

Then right afterwards I went to the Communal Reconciliation Service at my parish. It was such a different experience. There is this great sense of preparation and anticipation. We are getting ready for Christmas, for the coming of Jesus. We are cleaning house. And we are getting excited, it is almost here! I love stopping to really enjoy Advent, really enjoying this time of preparation and anticipation instead of jumping right into Christmas, it makes it all more meaningful!

A few valuable things I discovered last night. I think my second confession was more nerve wracking than my first. Maybe because the first time I spent forever playing phone tag with Monsignor and then he said come in a hour, so there wasn't much time to be nervous. Or maybe because the first time you are supposed to be nervous and not supposed to know what to do, but this time I'm supposed to have more of a clue. Also, I learned that when you go to service like this, it is better to go get in line quickly! Otherwise, you have to stand in line and think and get more nervous!

In all, it was a good experience. I'm not even sure who I confessed to, it was a priest from somewhere else. I told him that this was only my second time, so he asked if I was a convert. He told me it was good that I was coming to confession and that coming about once a month was a good thing. And of course there is nothing like hearing those words of absolution and knowing I'm clean!

I LOVE being Catholic!

Advent

2007-12-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

Wow! It is the first Sunday in Advent! I went to Mass last night and it was just AMAZING! I tend to use that word a lot lately, but it is the best I have to describe Mass.

It was a lot more simple, no procession coming in, less piano, more acapella singing. The church was dimmed and we won't sing the Gloria again until Christmas. It is a penitential season and you can feel that in all of your senses. I'm not even sure I can explain what was so different or powerful about it, but it was.

I have also decided that right before advent is a great time to come into the Church! I get to start this new Church Year in full communion with the Church. We are looking forward to the coming of Christ, both as a baby at Christmas and in glory in the second coming, and Christ has just come to me in a new way in the Sacraments, especially the Holy Eucharist. It seems appropriate!

I was also struck by how powerful the name Emmanuel is within the context of the Catholic Church. The communion hymn had something to to do with Emmanuel (no it wasn't O Come...) and it was just amazing that here we are hearing Emmanuel, God With Us, and God really is right here with us in the Holy Eucharist! Really powerful! I love it!!!

Interesting Connections

2007-11-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

I've had a few interesting conversations about my conversion with people at work this week. I was taking off early to go to my RCIA class, so my boss knew about it. He is Jewish, but has always asked about my church involvement and such so we have had a couple conversations about the whole thing. He asked how it went this weekend and if it was everything I thought it was going to be.

Then I was talking with another one of my co-workers about it since I don't have to leave early any more. She was saying that she used to go to church, but there were issues with the pastor at her church having an affair and such. So I said something about how it is nice that in the Catholic Church, the priests aren't married, so that cuts out on some of that and how there is a structure in place to deal with problems.

Later I was talking with another coworker, again since I didn't have to leave early, and I told her I was now Catholic. She was really excited with me which was sweet. I couple of days later she gave me a nice picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe which was also really nice of her.

Also since we were having that conversation while a couple of my night kids were there, one of them was asking what the difference between Catholics and other Christians was. He had gone to a local non-denominational church for awhile, so I was trying to explain pretty basically
a few of the differences and also how they are similar.

Those kinds of random conversations are always interesting. They come up every so often since I'm rather open about being a Christian and going to church and such. I've also gotten off early to go to things at church off and on ever since I started working there, so just mentioning why
I'm leaving early leads to that kind of stuff. It isn't a religious place at all so I walk a fine line, but I'm still thankful for all of the chances to share my faith in little ways!

St. Angela Merici... Pray for Me

2007-11-25T22:15:00.001-07:00

I don't think I've mentioned here who I chose as my Confirmation Saint. Meet st. Angela Merici. As I was looking through Saints, I wanted someone different. I mean Mary and Teresea are great, but so many people choose them. Also, so many of the Saints are either martyrs or mystics, and again nice, but not really something I identify with.

Then I found St. Angela. You can read more of her story here. The part I identified most with is she noticed that the children around her, especially the young girls, were not being educated, religiously or otherwise. So she began teaching the children. Later she began organizing others to do the same. Eventually, after St. Angela's death, this group of women became the first teaching order of nuns.

Since I love working with kids and especially love teaching them the faith, I love her story.

Sinking In

2007-11-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

It is slowly starting to sink in that I really am Catholic. I went to Mass again this morning, partly because it is just too weird not going to church on Sunday, partly because they had the Rite of Acceptance for the other people who were in my class, and partly just because I could!

It was a really neat experience to be able to participate in the Rite of Acceptance. I've been in class with all these people, so I know them and I'm excited for them. It was also powerful to remember that I really am fully part of this community that is welcoming them. I'm on the other side and now I have the privilege of cheering them on until they join us!

Receiving communion was really powerful today, in some ways even more so than yesterday. I think today I was able to just slow down and relax and focus better. It was powerful to finally walk up with everyone else for communion and feel like I belonged. It wasn't that I didn't really belong before, but it was different today.

Then as I got back to my seat to knell I was just soo full of awe and wonder at what had just happened. Even now as I type, many of those feelings come flooding back. I really did hold Jesus in my hand and then place Him in my mouth and receive Him into my self in the most personal and intimate way possible. And every week I'm able to come back and do it again and again! It is just the most amazing thing!

I love being Catholic!

More Thoughts

2007-11-25T16:32:00.000-07:00

Profession of Faith
One of the most amazing moments was to stand up there in front of the church, in front of Monsignor, the people who have been leading our classes, my friends, and tons of people I didn't even know and be able to say yes, I believe everything the Catholic Church teaches. And then to have Monsignor officially welcome me into the Church. I just grinned! I'm officially Catholic! How awesome is that!

Confirmation
One thing I quickly noticed about receiving confirmation is how good the oil smelt. It lingered, even when I got home I could still kind of smell it. I thought about how this really is a good symbol for what has happened. You can't see the oil on my head, there hasn't been any physical change in me, I still look just like I did yesterday morning, or last year, but I have changed. I want to have that lingering sweetness of the oil. I want to be that for the world around me.

First Holy Communion
I think by this point I was so totally overwhelmed with everything, I remember the least about this part. I do remember looking at Monsignor as he looked at me holding Jesus out to me for the first time. What an amazing thing! I was just overwhelmed by the whole thing! I think it actually hit me more when I went to Mass this morning, but more about that later.

Wow...

2007-11-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Wow... That is pretty much my biggest thought as I sit here right now trying to sort through all my thoughts and feelings. I'm here. I'm within the bounds of the visible Church on earth. I'm Catholic. It still seems crazy, but I'm so filled with joy peace and I know it is where I belong.

The easiest thing to sort out is what all happened last night, and then maybe I'll be able to sort out some of my thoughts and experiences about the whole thing.

So I got to church at 4 pm yesterday and found the lady who was standing in for my sponsor. We were all sitting around and kind of chatting as we were waiting for everyone to arrive. It seems like we all had pretty similar emotions, excitement, anticipation, for everything that was going to happen. Then the lady in charge had me and the other guy who was to speak practice out thing in front of the group.

By that point, most of the group had arrived, so we opened in prayer and then listened to the gospel reading for the day and talked about it a bit with the people at our table. Then we again quickly went over how everything was going to go, when to stand, what to say, all of that kind of stuff. And then over to the church!

The first part of the Mass was pretty normal. We started just sitting in our seats at the front of the church and went through the liturgy of the Word like normal, listening to the readings. Only it wasn't normal, soon I would be fully Catholic!

After the homily all of us who were to make a profession of faith along with our sponsors were called to the front of the church. We stood there, with our sponsors behind us, and Monsignor asked us if we believed all that the Catholic Church teaches and proclaims to be true. We responded "I do!" Then Monsignor officially welcomed us into the Catholic Church.

After that the people who were to be confirmed stood as their names were called and then we all stood and Monsignor prayed for us again. Then we received the Sacrament of Confirmation. One at a time we walked up to Monsignor, who made the sign of the cross with the oil on our foreheads as he said "receive the Holy Spirit" and I responded "Amen," then he said "Peace be with you" and we responded "And also with you." The smell of the oil is wonderful, but more on that later. Three couples were then married in the Church.

So then Mass continues on as normal with the prayers of the people, the offering, and then the Liturgy of the Table. So we get to Communion time and finally I get to walk up to Monsignor, hold out my hands, hear "the Body of Christ" and respond "Amen" and receive Jesus. Then I walked over to the EMHC and receive the Blood of Christ. Just an amazing experience overall!

Mass continues and then ends and we processed out in front of the priests. I met up with my friends on the side walk and we went over to the small reception. I got my certificate that says I'm fully Catholic, ate a piece of cake and hung out for a few minutes. Then my friends took me out to eat.

So that is what happened. I'll try and sort out my thoughts and feelings about it all more in my next post.

I'M CATHOLIC ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

2007-11-24T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'M CATHOLIC!!!

Tonight was the most incredible experience ever! And now I'm fully Catholic!

I'll post more later after I have some time to sort out my thoughts!

I'm Catholic!

2007-11-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

Finally on Saturday, November 24th 2007, the Feast of Christ the King, I was received into the Catholic Church and received the Sacraments of Confirmation and First Communion!

The first part of the Mass, the Liturgy of the Word, was fairly normal. We sang, confessed our sins, listened to the readings, and heard the homily. Then those of us who were becoming Catholic, along with our sponsors, were called to the front of the church. Monsignor asked us if we believed all that the Catholic Church teaches and proclaims to be true and we replied, “I do!” He then welcomed us into the Church. What an amazing feeling! I'm Catholic!

We sat back down and then soon afterwards we again walked to the front up to Monsignor, this time one at a time, to receive Confirmation. Monsignor made the sign of the cross on our foreheads with the oil of chrism as he said “receive the Holy Spirit.” The oil smelled wonderful and all night long, I would catch an occasional whiff of it and be reminded of what had happened.

Mass then continued on with the Liturgy of the Table. Then when we got to Communion time, for the first time I was able to walk up to Monsignor, hold out my hands, and receive Jesus! Then I got to walk over to the EMHC and receive the Cup! It was absolutely amazing! I was just in total awe of having this privilege!

I'm Clean!

Continuing the Journey

Crazy Me

2007-11-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

So I mentioned that crazy me volunteered to speak for a minute on Saturday. As of right now, here is what I think I'm going to say. Thoughts? Comments anyone?

Eight months ago I walked through the doors of this church and into Mass. Even now I can't really explain why I came. I was happy in the Protestant church I was part of, I was active there and had, and still have, great friends there. As best as I can say, I came out of curiosity.

As I experienced that first Mass with all the sitting and standing, kneeling and responses, God spoke to me. It wasn't anything audible or spectacular, just a great sense of awe and reverence and a deep longing to return. So I did.

Here I am again in this church eight months later. A lot has happened in that time. I have read lots of books, asked questions, thought, and most of all prayed. And now I'm standing here, I have professed my belief in all the Catholic Church teaches, I have received confirmation, and soon I will receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament for the first time. Eight months ago I never would have dreamed I would be standing here, but it seems fitting to both begin and end this part of my journey here in Mass.

And while this part of my journey has ended, I know the real journey has only begun. I feel like I have just walked through the door of a great Cathedral. As I look around at all there is to take in and explore, I know I will never see it all. But I look forward to trying and look forward to all of the great treasures I will discover here!

Last Week of Class

2007-11-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm almost there! Only 3 days to go!!!

We had practice last night so we would know where to sit, when to stand, and what to say! I can't believe that I'm almost there. I'm also apparently crazy; I volunteered to say a few words about what this journey has meant to me. What was I thinking!? But it will be a good experience I'm sure, but still a bit scary. Mostly though, I'm just insanely excited!!!

We also had class like usual last night too, our last one. One thing that stuck out was our leader mentioned that the word "believe" has roots in the word "heart." So belief is not just a head thing, an assent to certain ideas, but is also a heart thing, something that happens in the very deepest parts of ourselves.

At first I started thinking about how often times it is mostly a head thing for me. I love thinking about theology and doctrine and all of that. It is fun an interesting. As I continued to think though, that isn't true. My belief is deeper than that. I can't even really explain why I believe, I just do, it is part of me, part of who I am. I can't imagine not believing.

I think it is just so much harder to express that heart part of belief, so it often comes out as reason instead. It comes out as ideas and theology instead of what is in my heart. I'm not saying all of that is bad, but I want to be able to express what is in my heart as well as what is in my head.

Prayers for the Faithfully Departed

2007-11-18T22:12:00.000-07:00

I have discovered something else I love about being Catholic, although I would have preferred to discover this one in some other way.

My grandma died yesterday. It wasn't a huge surprise, she has been not good for quite awhile, but still it hits you.

But I now understand how comforting it is to be able to pray for her. One of my first thoughts when I found out was I want to go to Mass and pray for her there. And I have prayed the "Prayer for the Faithfully Departed" a number of times since I found out.

This is so much better than being protestant. Then I could pray for my family and for myself, but that didn't really seem like "enough." But I didn't know what else to do. Now there is something tangible and specific I can do FOR my grandma as thanks for her love.

Eternal rest grant unto Grandma, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Holiness in Community

2007-11-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm skipping back to my thoughts from class on Tuesday. The topic was the Church, quite a lot to cover in a couple of hours, but it was interesting. Our associate pastor presented and that was neat because we haven't seen quite as much of him. The whole thing was pretty theological, which I enjoyed, but I wonder if it went over some people's heads.

The thing that caught me the most was when he was talking about the four marks of the church, one, holy, catholic, and apostolic. He talked about how we are called to holiness as a community. That stuck with me because I'm from a Wesleyan background so there is quite a bit of talk about personal holiness. We are supposed to be moving towards holiness. But I have never really thought about holiness as a whole church. It makes sense, we are supposed to be a holy community.

The whole community thing is something that has really struck me as a Catholic. The sense of connection is so much greater than the other churches I've been a part of. I have a much more real sense that we are all connected and all part of the same body. I love it!

I have also noticed this in how excited people have been for me as I'm converting. It is so encouraging to have this cheering section behind me. People at church, people I've talked to through e-mail, friends at the Catholic Answers Forums, people posting here, everyone has been SOO excited for me! Thank you all for your encouragement!

I'm Clean!

2007-11-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks before I was to be received into the church, I called Monsignor to make an appointment for my First Reconciliation. We spent a number of days playing phone tag, but we finally actually talked and he asked if I could come in about an hour. I told him that would be fine, and began shaking inside!

I got there and he talked for a minute about what Reconciliation is all about and then went through the Ten Commandments and I would confess anything related to each one. He made a couple of comments and then gave me my penance. Afterwards he then put his hands on my head and prayed the prayer of Absolution. That was the most amazing thing ever! I knew that all of that stuff was totally GONE and I was CLEAN! Then he gave me a big hug and welcomed me home.

The whole thing was an amazingly wonderful experience! I just felt to happy and clean inside. It also made me REALLY excited as it meant this part of my journey was ending, soon I would be fully Catholic. This was the first Catholic Sacrament that I received! I was almost there!

Anticipation

I'm Catholic!

I'm CLEAN ! ! ! ! !

2007-11-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm clean! That is all I can think right now! How fresh and clean I am! I'll give you one guess which Sacrament I received today.

So I finally actually got to talk to Monsignor on the phone, after only 6 days of phone tag. And what does he say? "Can you come in about an hour?" I calmly told him that would be fine, while instantly beginning to shake inside! Yup, that nervous excitement building up in me all at once.

I'll try and write more about the whole thing later when I can think and process better, but for now, just whatever comes to mind.

The whole thing is a powerful experience, but at the end, he put his hands on my head and says the words of absolution. It is just AMAZING! God is really washing away all of my sins through the hands of Monsignor! How cool is that?! Then he prays for me that I would be strengthened. And at the end, he gives me a big hug and tells me how excited and happy for me he is!

It is funny, you read all about how God uses everyday, physical things in the Sacraments, water, bread, wine, touch, oil, but it doesn't really hit you until you participate. How lucky am I to be able to have the VERY physical memory and reminder of the Sacrament to remind me I'm forgiven, of everything! It is one thing to think back to the words he said, or even before to think back to how I would just pray for forgiveness, but now I have the reminder, Monsignor touching my head to remind me that I'm forgiven and to remind me to "go and sin no more." It is so much more powerful that way! Amazing, God knew what He was doing!

Sin and Reconciliation...

2007-11-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

Well, this has all been floating around in my head for awhile, but since soon I will hopefully have my first Reconciliation, I'll go ahead and try and sort out some of these thoughts.

This is another one of those places where I can tell there has been a pretty big shift in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, I loved the church I was in and grew a lot there, but there wasn't much talk about sin. It would be mentioned occasionally and there was the prayer of confession each month before communion, but it seemed a lot more abstract. There is sin in the world and I'm a part of that sin, but I was never really "forced" to think about my own personal sins.

As I was reading more about Reconciliation and about the Ten Commandments in my book for RCIA I began to think more and more about my own sin. I knew it was there, I knew there were plenty of places where I messed up, but I was able to keep it in the abstract. But now here I am and I will have to name all of those specific sins. And not only will I have to admit them to myself, which is scary enough, I will also have to admit them, out loud, to someone else.

My brain tells me this is a great practice. I know it will be healing and I know it is important to admit those sins, both to my self and to some one else, and I know it is a sacrament, a means of grace. But it is still SCARY!

So on Friday I finally got up the guts to call the priest at my parish to make an appointment. Unfortunately we have now been playing phone tag all weekend long. Hopefully we will finally connect and I will be able to meet with him. I'm quite sure part of this terror is the fear of the unknown.

But I really am excited about this whole thing! And I'm confident that even though it is hard to admit all of those sins, it is important and good.

Less than TWO weeks to go!

2007-11-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

Yup, exactly two weeks from today, at this time, I will be fully Catholic! Time goes by fast, but I'm also getting more and more impatient!

Today a group of us went to Mass at a convent, prayed the rosary there, and hiked the Stations of the Cross. It was a really neat experience and a BEAUTIFUL day for the whole thing. I think my favorite part though was right after we prayed the rosary. All of us who will be coming into the Church, some in two weeks and some at Easter, made a circle and then everyone else gathered around us and laid their hands on us and prayed for us. It was really special. It is so encouraging to know that there are so many people praying for us and really excited for us!

Today before Mass this evening as I was knelling there praying, I was thinking about my First Reconciliation. Monsignor and I have spent the day playing phone tag trying to set up a time for it, so it was on my mind. I'm a bit nervous, as I think pretty much everyone is, but I'm also kind of excited. It will basically be my first officially Catholic thing, before I'm even officially Catholic. So just the idea of doing it is exciting! It means I'm almost there!

I was also thinking about finally being able to go up in the Communion line and hold out my hands to receive Jesus instead of crossing my arms for a blessing. I almost cried just thinking about it, and I don't cry very easily! I really can't wait. And thankfully, I'm sure the next two weeks really will go quickly!

A Good Night

2007-11-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

Last night's RCIA was really cool! It started out with presents. Presents are always a good start, right? They gave us a Missal for the next year, starting in December with Advent, a little scriptural rosary booklet, and a rosary.

The topic for the night was the Communion of Saints and Mary. We started with the Saints and just kind of started going slowly through the sections in out book. Our leader kind of highlighted the important stuff and asked if anyone had any questions.

Then they gave us each a little piece of paper and had us write down a prayer request on it and put it in a basket up front. Then we all formed a circle around the room and they turned down the lights. They lighted a single candle, the Christ Candle. We slowly went up and picked up a slip of paper out of the basket, someone else's prayer request, and got a small candle and lit it off the Christ Candle. While we were doing this, on of the leaders lead us in a Litany of the Saints, Saint... Pray for us. It was just really neat and powerful!

Then we also talked some about Mary, although we were kind of running out of time. One thing that has stuck with me is out leader told us to think of ourselves as little preschoolers of kindergartners just kind of starting out and exploring the world and to think of Mary as our mother. She is a perfect Mother and knows all the things that we will need to know in the future and she will patiently teach us. She also stressed many times that Mary's job is to help us have a relationship with Jesus, a true devotion to Mary is a devotion to Christ.

I'll admit that I still don't fully "get" the Mary thing, but I think slowly I'm coming closer and closer and "getting" it more and more. I'm just trying to be patient and remembering that You don't develop a relationship with anyone overnight, Mary included!

The other neat thing that happened last night was they did a short interview with me and took my picture. Every week they do this with a different person in our group and then it goes in the Sunday bulletin. It is supposed to help us become more a part of the wider community and allow the community to know who we are and to pray for us. I think it is really neat!

So yup, in all it was a GREAT night!

Anticipation

2007-11-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

The closer and closer the end of November got, the more excited I was. Every week I would sit in Mass and walk up and cross my arms to receive a blessing at communion time, and each week that was harder and harder to to! Funny, I had read, in various blogs, about other people experiencing the same things, but didn't really understand until it was my turn.

I was counting down the days until I would be fully Catholic! I longed to be able to receive Jesus in the Blessed Eucharist. I was ready!

Rite of Welcoming

I'm Clean!

Funny

2007-11-04T19:48:00.001-07:00

It is funny how some days I can walk into Mass and feel totally at home like I've been doing this for years. And other days I walk into Mass and think this is totally crazy, how did I end up here?!

Today was one of those second days. It isn't a bad thing, I'm firmly convinced this is where I belong, it is just a weird feeling. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that this is where I would end up. And some days the craziness of all of that hits me.

And at the same time that craziness makes me insanely excited! Monsignor got to the part in Mass where he says:

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us the bread of life.

It just kind of hit me again. Here is this little piece of bread and soon it will literally become Jesus! How crazy is that and how EXCITING!

All Saints Day

2007-11-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Happy All Saints Day! So I went to Mass this morning like a good Catholic. One of the things that has really hit me recently is the Sanctus. The priest says, "And so we join the angels and saints in proclaiming your glory:" and we respond:

Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might,
Heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.

It is just amazing to me that were really are singing this to God with all the angels and the saints. They are standing in the presence of God and we are in the presence of God in the Blessed Sacrament! It is just amazing!

What I love (or will love) about being Catholic

2007-10-28T16:04:00.000-07:00

Edit: I'm adding another one to my list. It is at the top so you don't have to scroll to the bottom!

I've been reading May Crowning, Mass, and Merton: 50 Reasons I Love Being Catholic by Liz Kelly. So I started thinking about the things that I love. So far this is what I've come up with. They are in no particular order, simply the order they popped into my mind. I'm sure I will also come up with more as I go along and I'll add those to the top of the list and repost it as I think of them.

Prayers for the Faithfully Departed: It is nice to have something real and tangible I can do to show my love for someone who has died. It is so much better than just praying for their family. I can actually show love for that specific person by praying for them. I love that!
Quiet time before Mass: I love getting to church a bit early and being able to sit there in the quiet and pray before Mass starts. It helps me focus on why I'm there. And it gives me a chance to lay all of my "stuff" at the feet of Jesus so I can truly focus on the Mass. Sure, it isn't always exactly quiet, but just the idea that this time to stop and pray is normal and even expected is amazing!
Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament: This is one of the biggest ones, and seems to be the same for most Catholics. Every time I go to Mass and we get to the consecration I'm just in total awe! This is Jesus, right here in front of me! And soon I will be able to receive Him right into my own body. Amazing!
The Sacraments: I love the sacraments. I love that there is this physical thing that conveys God's grace. I love that God knew that we need this physical thing, the touch, the bread, the wine, the words. I love that God requires us to use all of our senses in worship. The water pouring over my head and dripping down my back is a very vivid memory of my baptism. And I'm sure my experience with the rest of the sacraments will be the same!
History: This is the biggest thing that started my journey into the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has been around a LONG time and has a rich history to go with it. It has existed since the time of Christ.
People across time and space: I love this connection to so many different people, people in other places and people in other times. It enriches my faith to remember that for thousands of years people have been worshiping in more or less the same way and today people from countries all over the world are worshiping in more or less the same way. I have this real connection to all of them. They enrich my faith and I enrich theirs. We are all part of the same body!
Holy Water: I love dipping my finger in the holy water and crossing myself every time I walk into the church. It is a reminder of why I am here. I am here to worship and to focus on God. I am here because in baptism, God made me part of His family.
It's hard to get in: I love the fact that it takes time to be Catholic. It takes some work to be Catholic. It takes effort. I don't just show up at my local Catholic parish one week and then be Catholic the next. I think having a whole process is helpful. Sure, some times I get impatient, but waiting is a good thing. It gives me the chance to make sure this isn't just a phase of fad, but something I really want and something I really believe in. The best things in life are worth waiting for!
Staying Power: The Catholic Church has been around a long time and has had its fair share of problems. There have been times when many people in the Church were not such great people. But the Church has survived all of that. She made it through and has continued to grow and thrive. I like that. It says to me that this really is the one, true Church that Jesus established and is sustaining.
Thinking: I love that I'm allowed to think in the Church. There is room for theologians. There is room for all of my questions. There are plenty of Saints who thought about all of this too, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine. Even the process of coming into the Church involves thinking about theology. There is no checking your brains at the door.
Social Justice: I love that the Church is highly involved in caring for the needs of the poor and outcast. There is none of this let's just tell them about Jesus and all will be better. There is even a list of the things we are supposed to be doing, the corpal acts of mercy, feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, visit the imprisoned, visit the sick, and bury the dead. We are to care for people not only spiritually, but also physically.
The Saints: Coming from a protestant background, the communion of the saints is one of those things that many of us struggle with, and I'm only slowly beginning to "get" it. I love that the Saints are so diverse! There are mystics and theologians, hermits and people who lived in the everyday world, priests, nuns, and lay people, people with families and those who were single, rich and poor, people with power and those without. There are Saints from every walk of life and they can understand my struggles and cheer me on.
Sign of the Cross: I love making the sign of the cross as I pray. It has become something that I can do when I'm thinking about God, praying, but don't have anything in particular that I want to say. I can simply make the sign of the cross as a prayer.
Catholic Calisthenics: I love that when I go to Mass my whole body is involved in worship. I stand, sit, knell, walk, move my hands. It isn't just my mind or my heart or even my mouth, but all of me participates. It reminds me that God wants all of me, not just part, but all!
Both/And: I love that there is room for both/and in the Church. There are so many things that aren't black or white or that can't be explained simply and the Church knows that and recognizes that. The answer to many questions is both/and. There is room for this tension.

Rite of Welcome - Part 2

2007-10-27T16:40:00.001-07:00

Then we did a short prayer walk. There is a hallway in the building we were in that has a row of icons on it, so we all walked along that, stopping at each one for a moment to reflect and pray the short prayer on the icon and then make a sign of reverence, kind of a bow with your head. Then we went into the Retreat Room and Monsignor read us the second creation story and we talked about that for a minute. Then we were sent out into creation to reflect for a bit. We were also told to bring back something that said something about ourselves. I brought back a little plant with some roots on it. I talked about how it is the root's job to soak up the water and nutrients. I feel like right now that is where I'm at. I've spent a while in this active learning stage, reading, thinking, praying a lot, but now it is time for me to slow down and just kind of soak everything in. Absorb everything around me.

Then we read the story of God telling Abraham to sacrifice Issac and talked about it for a bit. Then we broke up into pairs to talk about trust and faith. I ended up with our leader since my sponsor had something else today. I really like our leader, she is always so encouraging and helpful and I'm blessed whenever I get to talk with her. So we talked about the questions. And we also talked a bit about where I was in all of this. She said that she was reading all of my reflection papers (since I'm done with the book, there are quite a few of them!). She also mentioned how she like the one when I was talking about how Mary is slowly finding her way into my life. She said that it seems to be like that, that the closer one gets to Jesus, the closer one gets to Mary.

Then we read a passage from Romans about sin. We talked a bit about personal sin and original sin. We talked about how we all have those places where we have failed. Then we each got a piece of paper where we were supposed to write down all of those things and then fold it up and put it in a bowl. Then we quietly walked outside with those and burnt them. It was a powerful moment. I was thinking, this is what confession will be like, all that stuff will be totally gone! When we went back inside that is what we talked about, how powerful a thing the Sacrament of Reconciliation is. Even as it is scary to admit all of those sins and to speak them out loud, I'm getting more and more excited about being able to do that. I'm excited about the grace that God gives through the sacrament!

I really am getting more and more excited every day about this. It is crazy, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would end up Catholic. But I'm one hundred percent convinced that this is where God is calling me. And this journey is amazing!

Rite of Welcome - Part 1

2007-10-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

Today we had a Rite of Welcome and a little mini-retreat. There were eight of us there who will be received into the Church at the end of November. It was a really neat thing. We got there and they gave us a very brief overview of what would happen in Mass, basically when we would go up to the front and that we would have to tell everyone our names. So then we went over to the church and sat in the first two rows. We went through the Liturgy of the Word part like normal. Then after the homily, they called us and our sponsors to stand up at the front. They welcomed us and had us say our names as a sign of our desire to continue deciding if we want to be received into the Church. Then the congregation as asked if they would support us on our journey, and of course responded that they would. Then we turned and faced our sponsors and as the priest read, our sponsors made the sign of the cross over out senses, our heads, ears, eyes, mouths, heart, hands, and feet. Then they gave us crucifix necklaces to wear. Then Mass continued on as normal.

We talked about it afterwards while we were eating breakfast. I said that for me, it played a big part in making this all very real. I'm almost there! We have hit the home stretch. And it is getting more and more exciting by the day! Only 28 days to go!

Rite of Welcoming

2007-10-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

Then we had our Rite of Welcoming and a mini-retreat. We went to Mass and after the Liturgy of the Word we went to the front and were asked to say our names as a sign of our desire to continue on this journey. The congregation was then asked if they would support us. Then we faced our sponsors who made the sign of the cross over various parts of our bodies as the priest read some things. Then our sponsors gave us a crucifix necklace for us to wear.

The most powerful thing about all of this was the sense that I was coming in on the home stretch. This whole conversion thing is very real and I'm almost there! Standing in front of our priest, sponsors, RCIA leaders, and everyone else in Mass and stating my intentions of being Catholic made it all very real!

The Communion of Saints, Mary and the Rosary

Anticipation

In the Presence of Jesus

2007-10-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

It really is crazy to think about how much I've changed in the past little bit. In some ways it seems like it have been forever and in others it has been incredibly fast! In some ways it is a bit scary, but even more so, really exciting!

I went to Mass this morning, and it was amazing as usual. Before Communion we sang this:

Jesus, Lamb of God, saving love for all,
Lord of heavn and earth, Fathers love for all;
I bow to you.
Jesus, Lamb of God, saving love for all,
Lord of heavn and earth; I bow to you, bow to you, I bow to you.
(Adoration by Matt Maher)

It was really powerful to be singing about that as I was literally there kneeling in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I love that!

I also went to Adoration this afternoon. Ever since we went to Benediction the second week of RCIA I've thought about going, but never really got up the guts to actually go. It isn't that there is anything in particular scary about going, just a something I've never done, so it took a little talking myself into it. But today I was sitting at lunch reading about silence. So I was thinking how nice a thing that is, but there are just so many distractions. So I was like, ok, I'm going! And I did. And it was amazing! I just sat there in the presence of Jesus for awhile; just soaking it all in. I wrote some and then just knelt there some more. I will definitely be back to see Jesus again!

Only 37 Days to Go!

2007-10-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting closer and closer to making all of this official. Only 37 days to go! We talked about the Eucharist in class this week. We talked spent a little time talking with each other about our feelings about waiting and such and it was good to hear that I'm not the only impatient one! :D We also went into the Adoration Chapel for a few minutes and stayed for Benediction again. It was really amazing! I just sat there mostly just staring thinking, that really is Jesus, right there! And I can't believe I'm here thinking all of this! It really is still crazy some days! But I'm also incredibly excited!

All of us who are planning on being confirmed and receiving First Communion in November met with the director for a couple of minutes. We will be having a welcoming thing on the 27th at the morning Mass and then have a little mini retreat that morning. That sounds exciting! And I can't believe that it is that soon!

She also made a comment to the group about how it is possible to finish the book, as I already have. She also said something about how it seems I have internalized all of this. It is true. I really am beginning to think like a Catholic. It is funny because sometimes people will post things on the CAF message board and I'll actually know the answer or think of something very "Catholic," and it will surprise me! I can't believe how much my thinking has changed. I guess that is the Holy Spirit at work and a sign that this really is where I belong!

Fullness of Truth

2007-10-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

When I first started reading stuff about the Catholic Church and about people who had converted, a phrase that popped up fairly often was the "fullness of truth." At the time I didn't really "get" it at all. It seemed a bit arrogant. I mean I've been a Christian for awhile now and don't I have truth too? It didn't really make me mad or anything, it just seemed like kind of a weird statement.

Funny thing is though, the closer I have gotten to the Church, the more I understand that statement. I really have found the fullness of truth in the Catholic Church. I had truth before, quite a bit of it. But this is even better! It is taking what I already believed and expanding it, making it bigger. It really is an exciting thing!

I'm coming home!

The Communion of Saints, Mary and the Rosary

2007-10-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Like many people coming from a Protestant background, the Saints and Mary were something that it took awhile to get my head around. It was that I disagreed with any of the doctrine, I just didn't “get” it. Spending all of my life pretty much ignoring Mary and the Saints, I figured this shouldn't be surprising and I just needed to be patient. I also figured that continuing to ignore them, wasn't the best way to go about “getting” it. So I decided to just jump in as best as I could.

I decided that since the Rosary was such a popular devotion, that would be a good place to start. I made myself a lovely rosary think that f it is special to me, I'll be more likely to use it. Then I committed to saying just one decade every night. I wanted something that seemed doable, but also something I could be consistent with over a period of time. At first it was pretty empty, but as I learned the prayers and was better able to meditate while I was saying them, it became more meaningful. I couldn't yet say I “got” it, but I seemed to be headed in the right direction.

As for the Saints, I found the book My Life With the Saints by James Martin. It really helped my understanding to read about how someone else related to the Saints. Reading how Father Martin's own relationship with the Saints grew helped my own understanding to grow. I found myself praying to them more often. I thought of Saint Monica when I found myself frustrated with the boys at work. I thought of Saint Anthony when I had lost something. I didn't totally “get” it, but the Saints were slowly creeping their way into my life.

Scheduling a Date

Rite of Welcoming

Tired, but a Good Day!

2007-10-14T23:10:00.001-07:00

I'm totally exhausted right now, but in all, it has been a good day.

I went to the traditional Mass this morning. At this point, I'm not sure I really have a preference on which one I go to. Since there are really only a couple of songs and everything else is pretty much the same, I don't think it matters quite as much as in a Protestant church. Everyone did tend to dress up a bit more for this Mass though. Not too fancy, but a lot more dresses and skirts and I don't think I saw any jeans. The other Masses I've been to seem a bit more casual.

Not receiving communion is still hard at any Mass, and it doesn't help when the deacon tries to give it to you. He wasn't paying attention to the fact I had my arms crossed and started to hand me the host, but then noticed and put it down and blessed me instead. He also told me he was glad I was there which I thought was really nice. But I still want Jesus! Less than two months to go hopefully!

Then this evening I went to our parish Fiesta. It was kind of awkward at first since I don't really know anyone and just went by myself. So I sat and listened to some music and played games on my cell phone. But then they started cleaning up so I started helping with that. I
really enjoy that kind of stuff and then I'm not just sitting around by myself. I also figure it is a good way to start being part of the community. It worked well at St. Paul's (my old church), so I figure it will work here too. They are always in need of people to do grunt work, and often it is the same people doing it, so you start getting to know them.

So I ended up stacking a bazillion chairs and tables! I'm sure I'm not exaggerating at all! I ended up working a lot with a guy named Rob. We stacked chairs and then ended up stacking tables. And there were A LOT of both! Then some of the other people who were working the Fiesta were sitting down drinking a beer and told us to join them. So I did for a little bit and kind of just chilled.

Now there is another big difference between Protestant churches, at least all the ones I've been to, and Catholic Churches. While I know plenty of people at St. Paul's drank, there were also probably plenty that would have been offended by it, and there was no way they would serve beer at a church event. But it isn't a big deal at the Catholic Church. Not a big issue for me either way. Just an interesting difference.

But now I'm off to bed. We'll see how sore I am tomorrow!

Thanks Mom and Dad

2007-10-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

I saw this group writing project about what your parents did right and it sounded interesting. I'm not sure these are the most important or biggest things mine did right, but they are the first ones to come to mind.

Books, books, and more BOOKS! I grew up surround by books. My parents read to us all the time. Little kid books. And even as we got older, great classics like The Hobbit, Little Women, and Island of the Blue Dolphin (among many!). We took trips to the library and everyone came home with a nice BIG stack of books. We had books of our own at home. Book shelves in the living room, in our own rooms and books every where. We had classic books, like the ones already mentioned, and junk books, like The Baby Sitters Club. I read fiction and non-fiction. I read books on every interest I had. I still love reading and blame them for my ever growing collection of books. But my love of reading has served me well.

Imagination. My parents always encouraged my sister and I's imagination. We went on pirate adventures with my dad. We had forts in the back yard. We were the characters from "Little House on the Prairie," complete with costumes made by Mom. We were Indians, again with costumes. We had baby dolls and had families and orphanages (you can have more kids that way!). We explored so many worlds this way and our parents always encouraged it and provided so many tools to make it more exciting, clothes, props, etc.

Adventure! We were always going on some kind of adventure. We went camping. We went sailing. We went to the park. We went bike riding. We went creek stomping. We went on vacations. We climbed trees. Played in the rain. Dug in the dirt. Built fires. Shot bows and arrows. There was always something exciting to do. We didn't worry about what Mom and Dad would think if we came home dirty. It was fun! And that sense of adventure has carried over into my adult life. I love traveling and exploring. I don't mind going some place, even if I don't know anyone. I don't mind getting dirty. I'm adventurous!

The Holy Barbecue is Not For Hot Dogs!

2007-10-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

So this is one of the useful things we learned the other night in RCIA! "The holy barbecue is not for hot dogs!"

Yes, there was a useful point to this bit of knowledge. We talked about the Sacraments of Initiation, baptism and confirmation. And since many people will receive these at Easter Vigil, we also talked a little bit about that. For those of you who don't know, Easter Vigil is the night before Easter day and is the first Easter celebration of the year. It starts with the whole church being dark and they light the Easter fire out side (in the "holy barbecue"). This is used to light the Easter candle which is then processed into the church. Everyone has a little candle which is lit from the Easter candle, so the room slowly fills with light. It is a really powerful time! But you don't get to cook hot dogs over the Easter fire.

But it was a good class all around. Our pastor came in and taught us this week. He kind of gave a short overview and then asked if we had any questions. And lots of people did so that was neat. Then he went through that chapter in our book to see if we had pretty much covered everything. Most of it I knew, but one really interesting thing he talked about was the funeral as kind of the fulfillment of baptism. He talked about how the cover the casket with a white cloth, a reminder of the white clothes they dress you in after your baptism. That is just really interesting. It makes sense, our baptism is our connection to God and in our death we are then completing that connection to Him. Neat!

I was also talking with my sponsor and telling her how I went to Mass this week and then got out at 10 and was like this is all I have going on today? And how weird that was. She told me they have a Women's Bible study on Sunday mornings. She knows the lady teaching it and said she would try and find out some more info and let me know. That would be nice. I really want to start getting to know other people in my parish!

So all in all, a good night!

Scheduling a Date

2007-10-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

So I was to the point where I was sure of where I was headed and now I just had to wait patiently for everything to get figured out. One night at class we went over the actual process for becoming Catholic. We got a sheet of paper and the first side was for those who would come into the Church at Easter. At first my heart dropped, I really didn't want to wait that long! Then we turned if over, and that side was for me. It was aimed at people who had already been baptized and were already practicing Christians. People in this group would be received into the Church at the end of November. We were told to think and pray about it and talk to our sponsors and then sign our names on the sheet where we thought we fit.

I was ready. I knew there was still plenty to learn, but I was sure I wanted to be Catholic. I felt that the rest I could learn from inside of the Church just as well as I could from outside. I talked to my sponsor and she had pretty much the same thoughts. So it was official, I would be Catholic at the end of November! Now I just had to figure out to wait patiently for two more months.

Benediction

Communion of Saints, Mary and the Rosary

Just a Little Bit Longer

2007-10-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

So hopefully I will get to be confirmed and receive First Communion at the end of November!

I mentioned how were were supposed to think and pray about when we thought we would be ready to come into the Church and then to talk with our sponsors about that. So mine called last night and asked what I thought, so I told her and she pretty much said the same thing. So now while it is still up to the RCIA leadership team and to our pastor, I'm guessing I'm well on my way! And that is exciting!

And on a related note, all of you who grew up in the Church are so lucky! At Mass on Sunday, the kids were singing so they were the last ones to receive Communion. I was watching them receive because I was just a set of pews over from them. As I was watching, I just kept thinking how lucky they are to already be able to participate in the Sacraments. And here I am 10-15 years older than most of them and trying very hard to be patient for when I will be able to fully participate.

The Rosary

2007-10-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

So I've been thinking a lot about the rosary this weekend. I made one on Friday:

And on Saturday after Mass my parish had a Rosary Rally. We all prayed the rosary together.

I'll admit, I still don't really "get" the whole Mary and the rosary thing. I don't have a problem with it or anything, but I just don't really get it. But I suppose I have spent the last eleven years of being a Christian pretty much ignoring Mary, other than the brief mention at Christmas, so I can't imagine that all of a sudden I'll get it and have this great understanding of and relationship with Mary as the Mother of God.

So I'm just trying to be patient. I'm trusting that eventually it will come and I will get it. And I'm also trying to cultivate a relationship with her. I figure I'll never have any kind of relationship with someone if I don't put out a little effort. So I'm trying to pray at least a decade of the rosary every night. And we will see how it goes!

Angels and Narnia

2007-10-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday we talked a little bit about angels in my RCIA class since it was the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Angels have never been something I've thought about too much. I've kind of had a general belief in them and I don't think they are pretty people dressed in white, but that has been about it. I don't know if Protestants in general think less about angels than Catholics or if it is just me, but that has been my experience.

So as we were talking about all of this, I had this brief flash of understanding. I wonder if Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy are to Narnia as angels are to us. They were created separately from the people in Narnia, just like angels are totally different beings. And then seemed to show up when the people/animals of Narnia where in need, just as angels come to our aid.

I know it doesn't strictly corralate, the Pevensies aren't messengers from God and don't live in heaven with Him. And they weren't around to watch out for the Narnians all the time. But it seems just close enough to give me this little flash of understanding of angels. I'll admit, I still don't totally get it, but it seems a little bit closer now.

Trying to be Patient

2007-10-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

Patience is a virtue right? That is what I tell all my kids at work anyway. Now I suppose it is one I get to work on myself. The problem is whenever I'm decided something, from which brand of electronic item to buy to which church I should be in, I go through more or less the same process. I think about it, read everything I can about it, talk to people, and pray (more so with churches, not so much with electronics ). And then finally after all of that, make a decision. By the time I get to the decision part, I'm ready for it to just happen! I'm ready to have whatever I decided to buy or I'm ready to be part of that church. I'm committed! But often there is still this waiting period. And I totally understand having this process for joining the Church, but I'm still a bit impatient sometimes!

All this to say, last night we started talk a little more about what the process for coming into the Church looks like. We talked about all the rights and periods and all of that stuff. They handed out a paper with all of the dates and such on it. At first my heart kind of dropped. When I signed up, the bulletin said the RCIA class ran through Easter and the Profession of Faith Class (for the already baptized) was 12 weeks long. So I was hoping that after 12 weeks, I could become fully Catholic. So when we got this paper last night my heart kind of dropped thinking I may have to wait until Easter. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind the classes or anything, they are good. But like I was talking about, I'm ready. I've gone through that process in my head and heart and I want to be able to participate in the Sacraments!

But then I turned the paper over and it had another side! The first side said it was for the unbaptized of the baptized and unchurched. The second side was for the baptized who are already practicing Christians. Hey, that is me! And for that side, they say you can enter the Church at any time after everyone has decided you are ready, but they usually do it twice a year, right before Advent and at Easter Vigil.

So the director is going through all of this with everyone. She is really stressing that it is a process and that for some people it will take longer, and they may not even be ready at Easter Vigil this year, and for others, they may be ready in a couple of months. We are supposed to go home and think and pray about it this week and then talk to our sponsors. And then we are going to turn in when we think we will be ready next week.

So I think I'll be ready, and hopefully my sponsor will say the same. And hopefully I might be confirmed and receive First Communion at the end of November. If they tell me to wait I will and I'll be patient with the process, but since they are asking my opinion...

Christain Prayer

2007-10-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

What is the most meaningful way for you to pray?

For me, the most meaningful way to pray is by writing down my prayers. That is how God made me, it is easier for me to write something, or read something, than it is to speak out loud, or listen to something. It also helps me to stay focused. My mind doesn't wander near as often when I'm writing as opposed to praying in my head our out loud. God has also spoken to me this way. Many times as I'm just pouring out everything on to paper, I realize that the things I'm writing couldn't possible be simply my own thoughts, but in some way, it is God speaking to me.

The Last Seven Commandments: Love of Neighbor

2007-10-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

How can the commandments help you to love God? your neighbor? yourself?

The commandments help me to love by providing specific examples of what love is. Say love God, love your neighbor is a rather abstract statement. What does that mean? How do I do that? The commandments give specific examples of how I can put this into practice in my daily life.

If I love God, I will not put other things ahead of God. I will give God the most important place in my life. If I love God, I won't dishonor His name bu using it inappropriately. If I love God I will want to set aside time to worship and rest in His presence.

If I love my neighbor, I will honr my family and other people God has plaved in authority. If I love my neighbor, I will respect their lives, both their physical life and things such as their reputation. If I love my neighbor, I will try to live a purt life so I don't cause others to stumble. If I love my neighbor, I will respect their right to have things and I won't take them or wish harm on them.

If I love myself, I will respect my own body. I will be thankful for the gifts God has given me. If I love myself, I will remember that in doing harm to others, I am also doing harm to myself.

The First Three Commandments: Love of God

2007-10-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

How do you show love for God? Share at least two different ways.

One way I show my love for God is through worship. By going to Mass each week I am setting aside time for God and making Him a priority. By fully participating in Mass I am giving God my love. I honor Him through my songs, words, prayers, thoughts, and actions.

Another way I show my love for God is by simply acknowledging Him in my daily life. When I pray when I wake up or before I eat or go to bed, when I see Him in the eyes of the children I work with, when I thank Him for the mountains or a beautiful sunset, when I ask Him for help in a difficult situation, I am loving Him.

The Christian Call of Holiness

2007-10-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

Name occasions of grace in your life. Share some specifif ways various events, people, or gifts have been "grace" to you.

One of the first people that comes to mind when I thing of "grace" in my life is a friend from high school. It was because of her friendship and love that I started going to church and became a Christian. She and the many other people at that church were a huge source of grace as I started this journey.

Many of the trips I have taken have been sources of grace. I have developed gifts I already had and realized new gifts I've had to rely more completely on God. I have seen the body of Christ in many places and I learned to celebrate both our similarities and differences. I have seen much of God's wonderful creation. These experiences have left me changed.

Various books have also been grace in my life. I read a lot and there are more books than I can count that have spoken to me. I have been inspired by the lives of others, challenged to live a more godly life. I have encountered God by reading theology and been pushed to dig deeper in my faith. I have asked questions, sought answers, and developed more questions.

A number of friends have also been grace in my life. They have encouraged me, helped me see the gifts God has given me, supported me, challenged me, and often just reminded me of God's presence in my life.

Catholic Teaching on Social Justice

2007-10-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

What do you see as the most pressing social justice issue in today's society? How should Christians respond to it?

I think the most pressing social issue is that we don't really recognize the essential equality among humans. If we were really to recognize that we are all part of the same human family and that we are all created in the image of God, and then to live as if this is true, we would not be able to do many of the things we do to each other. We would not be able to ignore the poor, either here or in other countries because they are our brothers and sisters. We would not be able to discriminate because of color or nationality or creed or anything because we are connected to these people. We would be more generous with the resources we have because we know they really belong to all of us.

The most basic way to solve this problem is to begin as individuals. We, as individual Christians, need to begin praying. We need to pray for our brothers an sisters, and as we pray, our hearts will be changed. We will begin living as if we really do believe we are equal and begin treating those around us as if it is true. If we as individuals live like this, others will take notice and it will begin to qpread to those around us.

Foundations of Catholic Morality

2007-10-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

Explain the validity of the moral principle, "A good end does not justify evil means to attain it." How is this sound norm often ignored?

"A good end does not justify evil means to attain it." This is a good rule to live by. Doing good is an important thing, but we can not do evil in our attempt to do good. The end does not justify the means. The goal is not to do more good than evil, the goal is to do as much good and as little evil as we can. Any evil we do is sin and harms our relationship with God. It is similar to what I tell my kids at work, "two wrongs do not make a right." Doing any kind of evil will simply never be a good thing!

I Don't Think I'm Protestant Anymore!

2007-09-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today was my last Sunday at the Protestant church I've been part of. It was a good day. My kids were sad which was sweet. And I promised not to disappear on my friends. But this evening was the most interesting part.

The sermon today was all about taking a "fearless moral inventory" of our lives. We are supposed to think about where we have messed up and what we feel guilty about. Then we are supposed to ask God for forgiveness and then admit our faults to someone else we can trust. Then we are supposed to accept God's forgiveness. Ok, that is all a good thing.

Funny thing is, the whole time I was listening to all of this I was thinking, "that is what the Sacrament of Reconciliation is all about!" I mean you do an examination of conscience,
confess your sins to God and the priest and receive God's forgiveness in the absolution. And even better than the Protestant version of this, it is a sacrament! God is in a very real and special way acting through this confession and giving me the grace to not sin and to follow Him! What can be better than that?!

So ya, something tells me that in my heart, I'm no longer Protestant. I'm Catholic!

Community

2007-09-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

It has been a crazy week, so I haven't gotten around to writing about RCIA this week yet, but better late than never!

I had an interesting conversation before class started with a couple of ladies about the whole having a sponsor/companion thing. It sounds like it hasn't been the most organized thing in the past, but they are trying really hard to work on that and it is going well. We all got sponsors last week, well those of us who needed on, and they seemed really excited that we all seemed to be chatting quite a bit and getting along well. They were talking about how they really hoped that our sponsor would both be part of the journey and help connect us to the parish community. For example we have the parish fiesta coming up and I think they hope that our sponsors will invite us or something.

That excites me because that is the hardest part for me right now. I've dropped stuff at my Methodist church (in fact this is my last week teaching Sunday School), but haven't really replaced anything yet. And being active in my church is extremely important to me! It is who I am! So it is really hard being patient as I go through this whole transition stage.

It does help that I've been blessed by some amazing friends who have been really encouraging even though this isn't their journey. It was interesting, one day as I was chatting with my boss he asked if I thought I'd still be friends with the people I'm closer to at my old church. I told him without a doubt, yes! I'm thankful that I'm able to say that. It makes the transition a lot easier knowing that I'm not leaving everyone behind and that I have all these people who I love and still support me as I'm slowly becoming part of this parish.

I Get It!

2007-09-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

I've read a lot of people conversion stories in this whole process of thinking about converting. And one thing I never really "got" was this huge anticipation for when they could finally receive the Eucharist. I mean I kind of understood that it would be a special moment and important and all, but I didn't really "get" this impatient waiting. I guess I kind of figured, I haven't received for 25 years, what is another few months. The you can't miss something you've never had kind of idea.

Well, I get it. The more sure I am about all of this and the more I go to Mass, the more I get it! I want to fully participate! I want to receive Jesus! I don't think it helped this week that I was reading the sections on the sacraments in my book, so that make me even more excited for the time when I will be able to participate. It is getting harder and harder to go up an cross my arms for a blessing. I get it!!!

Celebrating the Pascal Mystery through Liturgy and the Sacraments

2007-09-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

Share a time when a particular liturgy was really a celebration for you. What did you "get" out of these celebrations? What did you "give" to them?

One of the my most celebratory experiences during a liturgy was this past Easter Vigil. It was only the third or fourth time I had been to Mass. The power of the whole things was just amazing. I remember the part when all the lights come on and everyone sings the Alleluia being so full of joy and celebration. I remember thinking this is what Easter is all about!

Even though I was just beginning this part of my journey at the time, I still got a lot out of the celebration. I got a sense of awe and wonder. I got to see the joy of people who were joining the Church. I got this little glimpse of what it means to be Catholic.

I was also able to give. I gave worship
to God and gave thanks for His death and resurrection. I gave support to the people joining the Church, even though I wasn't sure where I was headed, it is always exciting to see people draw closer to Christ.

Christian Destiny: The Last Things

2007-09-17T21:49:00.000-07:00

How do the Christian teachings about the "last things" give you hope that this life has ultimate meaning?

Why am I here? What does all of this mean? The church helps give meaning to these questions. Because we know that life doesn't end with our time on earth, it is important that we figure our what that means. The hope and joy of heaven give us something to look forward to. We want to serve God and love God as best as we can here on earth because we also want to live with Him in heaven.

The end of life also gives meaning to our sufferings on earth. We know that if we persevere in our faith, there will be an end to all suffering. We also know that our sufferings purify us and draw us closer to God.

The Communion of the Saints and the Blessed Mother

2007-09-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

What role does Mary play in your life?

Having been a fairly typical Protestant, Mary hasn't played a huge role in my life. Sure, we read about her every Christmas, but that has been about it. There has been, however, on verse that stood out. After Jesus was born and the shepherds visited, it says in Luke (2v19) "but Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart." I have always loved this verse because that is how I tend to react to big stuff. I tend to look inward and let the thoughts and feelings roll around inside for awhile before I am comfortable expressing them. So even though Mary hasn't been a big part of my faith, I have had this small connection with her.

It is interesting that as I have learned more about the Catholic Church and drawn closer, Mary has slowly crept into my life. It hasn't been any conscious decision, just slowly thoughts would begin to pop into my head about her. Occasionally the Hail Mary will pop into my head and I will say it. Listening to people talk about his relationship with her and how she is our mother is exciting now instead of only scary or confusing. I imagine that as I go along in this journey this all will only become even more true!

Ecumenism: The Church and Other Religions

2007-09-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

How should today's church reach out to people of other faiths?

The biggest way we should be reaching out to people of other faiths is simply as individuals in the way we live our daily lives. We need to be loving to those around us, we need to be joyful, we need to be forgiving. we should also be open about our faith. It doesn't mean we have to stand on the street corners and be obnoxious about it. We simply need to be open, to not be afraid to mention going to Mass when talking about what we did over the weekend, to pray in public, or to mention when God has helped us in some way. When we both act like Christians should and are open about why we act that way, it will do wonders to draw people to Christ.

The other important thing is to be knowledgeable about out faith and about other faiths. If we don't have a clue what we believe or have at least a basic understanding why be believe as we do, it will be awful hard to explain that to others when they ask. It also helps to know at least a little bit about what others believe. We can use the similarities as jumping off points in conversations and be more able to explain the differences. Also, when we are more educated about other's beliefs, they will be more willing to listen and we won't waste time arguing about something they don't even really believe!

The Church: One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic

2007-09-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

The church as prophet should speak the truth; the church as priest should draw people to God; the curch as king should use its authority to serve the needs of people. In today's world, on which issues should the church take a prophetic stand? Which spiritual needs should the church address? Which people should the church serve in a special way?

The church needs to take a prophetic stand o issues related to the poor and making sure everyon has the basic necessities of life. It needs to address violence in the world.

The church needs to address the various ways in which people are searching for God. It needs to figure out how to best relate to people where they are while still maintaining the doctrine and traditions of the Church.

The church needs to serve the poor, the neglected children, people suffering from various diseases, the abused, and those who have been discriminated against.

People of God: The Christian Community

2007-09-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

It is impossible to be a Christian and not be a member of the Christian church. Do you agree with this statement or not? Explain.

Whether or not I agree with this statement first depends on which meaning of church is being referred to. If it is referring to the church as "the universal community of believers," then I would agree with the statement. Using this definition a Christian is one who is by definition part of the Church.

Using the other ways of referring to the church, "the assembly of believers at the liturgy" or "the local parish community," the issue becomes a little more complicated. I would have a hard time saying it is impossible to be a Christian and not be part of a local church, there are always exceptions to the rule, the guy living in the middle of no where with no access to a church or other believers.

I would, however, fully agree that as a general rule, it would be very difficult to be a Christian without being part of a local community. God created us to need each other, we are communal. We need the encouragement and support of those around us. We need the people around us to challenge us to grow in our faith. We need the sacraments to grow in grace. And the sacraments require a priest and happen in the context of worship in the church. We need the local church

Interesting Weekend

2007-09-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been an interesting weekend. I went to Mass last night (Saturday) and it was amazing, as usual! What was really exciting was at the end during the anouncements Father started talking about this "push" to use our time and talents in service in parish. This got me really excited, I wanted to say "sign me up now!" I've been giving up all the things I've been active in, but haven't replaced them yet, so I'm excited about this. Hopefully it gives me a place to serve.

Then this evening I was sitting in my protestant church. It was interesting because I began to realize how much of my thinking is starting to go through this Catholic "filter" now. The pastor was talking about having a relationship with Jesus and how he can heal the broken places in our lives. So I ended up thinking about how excited I am about when I will get to participate in the Sacraments and how amazing that will be to have that special and very real contact with Jesus. I can't wait! Yup, I really am going to be Catholic!

The Pope

2007-09-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

So I was reading a long in my "This is Our Faith" book today and got to the part about the Pope and the Magisterium of the Church. It seems to me that the whole Jesus and Peter and the Pope thing is really the most important thing to "get" in all of this. I mean if I accept that Jesus give Peter the keys to the kingdom and the Pope is the successor of Peter, then everything else pretty much falls into place. I was convinced that the Pope is the successor of Peter and that Peter was given authority by Jesus and I had a pretty decent grasp on the whole thing, but I really "GOT" it today as I was reading.

As an outsider the impression you kind of get of the Pope is that he is totally in charge of the whole church and what he says goes, no matter what. It kind of seems like he has all this authority over everything and can do and say whatever he wants. And then everyone has to just agree with him no matter what. He is the almighty ruler of the Church. When I stop to think about it, I know in my head that isn't how it works, but that is kind of the impression you get.

So I was reading today and I get to this:

The bishops as a group, in union with the pope, teach infallibly when teachin or protecting Christ's revelation concerning belief or morality. The same Holy Spirit who directs the pope and the whole body of the faithful also directs the college of bishops.

Although the individual bishops do not enjoy the prerogative of infallibility, they can nevertheless proclaim Christ's doctrine infallibly. . . This kind of teaching is best exemplified when the bishops meet together and teach with the pope in an ecumenical council.

This really just made in click! The pope isn't just this lone island out there by himself saying whatever he wants. This whole thing is done in community! It is worked out in the community of the bishops, priests, the whole church, the communion of the saints, and most importantly Christ. The pope is surrounded by scholars and advisors and talks to all of these people. He isn't just pulling infallible doctrines out of no where and making them "law." They are based on thousands of years of history and on the council of those around him and on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

I suppose this really shouldn't surprise me, I might have even figured it out if I had sat down and thought about it, but it really just all of a sudden clicked today as I was reading. I'm glad since I really do consider this probally the most important thing to get. And now I do!

Benediction

2007-09-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Another place where I don't really know how my thinking changed was the Eucharist. I knew what Catholics believed about the bread and wine from the time I first started going to Mass, but at that time I wasn't really sure that I believed it. Somewhere along the way, my thinking changed. Now as I kneel there during Mass, I'm sure that this really is Jesus, right here in front of me in the Holy Eucharist.

At the end of our second class, we took a tour of the church. We learned what all of the things were and what they were for. After that, we stayed for Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament. It was a powerful experience. We knelled there as the deacon brought out the Monstrance, the thing that holds the Host for Adoration. It was amazing as the deacon covered his hands, a sign that it is really God doing the blessing, and made the sign of the cross. There was this sense of of awe, this really is God!

Jumping In

Scheduling a Date

Moments

2007-09-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I just got back from "class" number two and I'm still really excited. We had a nice prayer time and talked about 9-11 for a few minutes. Then we talked about who had been to Mass that week and anything they noticed or any questions they had a such.

Then the pastor of our parish came and we all introduced ourselves to him, and everyone else. That was interesting to hear a little bit about everyone's background. It seems we are about half and half baptized and unbaptized. I think all the other people who had been baptized were baptized Catholic and just missed out on the rest of the sacraments somehow. And there were a lot of people there because their spouse was Catholic or they wanted their children brought up Catholic. But there seems to be a pretty wide variety of experiences.

Then we went over a couple of the questions people had from Mass (colors of the vestments and music) and then spent a couple of minutes talking with the person next to us about what we had read. I feel kind of silly because I'm on Chapter 7 already, but they said read it at your own pace, and well, I like to read!

Then we went over to the main church and had a tour. That was really nice. Some stuff I had kind of figured out as I went along, but there was plenty of new stuff too. We saw the sacristy, where the priests get ready and such, and the special drain into the ground. We talked about the candles where you can pray, the altar, and saw the marble slab that has a saints relics in it. We saw the baptismal fount.

We also peeked in the confessional booths. That was an interesting moment for me. I was a tiny bit nervous thinking about my first confession, but also really excited listening to the director talk about what a special sacrament it is. I really am getting more and more excited when I think about when I will finally be able to participate in the sacraments!

The other really powerful moment was when we were over next to the tabernacle and talking about it. She was explaining about genuflecting when we pass it and how we believe that Jesus is really truly present there. Then she pretty much just told us to do whatever we were comfortable with for now, but that Jesus was really just SOO excited that we were even there! The director was just so excited when she said this, that you could just feel God seeping out of her and really did believe that Jesus was that excited that we were even there!

We also stayed for the reposition of the Blessed Sacrament and that was really powerful too. Just that there Jesus is, right in front of us, right there with us! Again, it made me really excited for the day when I can fully participate in the sacraments!

Jumping In

2007-09-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure how it happened, there was never any kind of big decision on my part, but all I know is at the beginning of the week I was still thinking, “this seems to be the direction I'm headed it, but I'm still not quite sure,” and by the end of the week, “I'm sure, I'm going to be Catholic.”

Like I said, there was not real deciding point. Maybe it had to do with class starting, maybe that I had talked to my protestant pastor and not really gotten any answers, maybe that I e-mailed a number of my close friends and told them what I was thinking.

Speaking of telling my friends, that went really well. I was a bit nervous, I'd heard about people loosing friends over their conversion and while I didn't think that would happen, it is still a big change! My friends were wonderful though. It was a surprise I'm sure, I hadn't told any of them about all my thinking and such, but they were encouraging and basically just said to go where God leads you and we will support you in that. That encouragement helped immensely!

First Class

Benediction

The Blessed Trinity: Unity in Community

2007-09-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

What does the doctrine of the Blessed Trinity reveal to you about God? about reality? about your own life?

The doctrine of the Trinity reminds me that while we can know and reason out some things about God, at the same time, he is still a great mystery. We can think about the Trinity and try and explain it using things around us, but ultimately, it is a mystery. There is something totally "other" about it. And that is good. What kind of God would God be if we could totally explain everything?!

The Trinity also reminds me that there is more to life than that which I can experience with my senses. There are lots of things that I can touch, see, hear, taste, and smell, but there are also lots of things that I have toe experience in a different way. I have to let go and allow God to speak to my heart and my soul. And even though I may not totally understand it, just like I don't totally understand the Trinity, that is ok. It doesn't make it any less real or improtant, only different.

The doctrine of the Trinity also reminds me of the importance of community in my life. If God choose to reveal himself in this mystical relationship of the Trinity, then that says something. I need other people. And other people need me. I need the Church and I need to be an active part of it. And other people need me to be a part of their lives. God has chosen not to be only this one "thing" and I shouldn't choose to speerate myself either.

The Holy Spirit: The Power of Love

2007-09-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

The Holy Spirit enables us to be members of God's family. This means that all others are our brothers and sisters. What is the practical meaning of this truth in your daily relations with other people?

The reality that the Holy Spirit makes us all brothers and sisters is both reassuring and demanding at the same time. It is reassuring that I don't have to do any of this alone. I am surrounded by people who love me and whom I can love, people who encourage me and whom I can encourage. I am connected to this great family, both here and around the world and throughout time. I have roots that go back thousands of years.

This great mystery is also demanding. It means that I am responsible fro the welfare of all these brothers and sisters. I can't go around treating people however I want or ignoring them altogether. I am called to love my friends, but I'm also called to love the teacher I don't really get along with, the kid who drives me cay and never listens, the person who takes my credit card at Target, the family with no food, the guy with HIV, the hungry kid on the other side of the world, the soldier fighting for the other side. In some way I am connected to each of these people. I am to treat them with love, even when it is difficult, I am to care for them, even when it requires sacrifice, and I am to pray for them. They are my brothers and sisters and that demands a lot!

Jesus: Teacher and Savior

2007-09-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

How can you live the Paschal mystery in your daily life?

"We live the Paschal Mystery when we allow the risen Lord to live in us and help us worship God in truth and love. We live the Paschal Mystery when we serve our neighbors."

It seems there are two way sin which I can live the Paschal Mystery, in my loving worship of God and my attitude toward my neighbors. When I do things like worship at Mass, and eventually participate in the sacraments, I am celebrating Jesus, crucified, buried, and resurrected. Even when I do things like pray through out the day and cross myself, I am participating in the worship of God.

A right attitude toward my neighbors also allows me to live the Paschal Mystery. When I am kind to the person at Circle K, when I show love and forgiveness to the kids where I work, when I encourage my coworkers, when I respect the people around me, even the onces who ignore me, when I am kind to the parents, even the ones I strongly dissagree with, I am doing these things for Christ. My love for Jesus is demonstrated in the way I treat those around me.

Jesus: Lord and Messiah

2007-09-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

What is your favorite gospel story about Jesus? What does it reveal about him? What might this choice be saying about your own image of Jesus?

One of my favorite Gospel stories is that of Jesus blessing the children in Mark 10v13-16. I can picture Jesus standing there and all of these anzious parents and grandparents and friends pushing their way through the crowds. The disciples, well intentioned yet seriously mistake,
are trying to push them back. But Jesus stops them and firmly, yet lovingly rebukes them.

This story reminds me how much God loves each of us from the oldest grandmother to the newborn baby, from the most "important" head of state to the lonely abandoned child on the street begging for food. And plain old me, somewhere in the middle. It also reminds me how important children are in the life of the Church. Jesus say the children as important now, not just as part of the future, and he blessed them and touched them and loved them now. And he told the disciples they had something to learn from them, just as we do today. We can learn from their joy and enthusiasm. We can learn from their simple faith and many questions. We can learn from those great jewels of wisdom that can only come from the mouth of a child.

I think this passage often sticks out at me because I spend so much time working with children. These are the talents and passions God has given me. II have seen the love and joy through children. I have tried to answer their many questions. I have heard the little nuggets of wisdom. And at the same time it reminds me that even when they don't listen and run around like crazy manics, there is still something for God to teach me. And often I act the same wya towards God. He still love me, so my job is to still love them.

God: Our Loving Creator

2007-09-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

If scripture is God's inspired word, then it should play a central role in Christian life. Prayerfully read and reflect on next Sunday's readings. What do these readings reveal about God? What do they reveal about you?

Wisdom 9v13-18b; Psalm 90; Philemon 9-10, 12-17; Luke 14v25-33

When I read the Psalm, it reminds me of how big and totally "Other" that God is. God existed before any of this amazing creation. And even things that seem so old to me, like the Grand Canyon, were made only a second ago in the time frame of God. And yet somehow God still loves and care for me, as an individual.

In the passage from Luke, this totally "other" God wants me to follow him and be his disciple. He calls me to leave everything behind, everything that is familiar to me, even family, and to take up my cross and follow Him. It demands my allegiance. But even as he say this, he tells me it won't be easy and I should "count the cost." I need to decide if I'm willing to do this, if I'm willing to give over everything to him.

The Philemon passage again reminds me that the true discipleship God deserves is hard. Paul knows what the right thing to do is, but he still struggles with it. I can imagine that Onesimus is having similar feelings. When I know I am following God, I want it to be easy and I want all those problems from the past to disappear , but they don't. It isn't going to happen. I still have to face them and deal with them with the wisdom God gives me.

The passage from Wisdom reminds me I can't do any of this on my own. My plans are timid and unsure, but God has sent us his Holy Spirit, giving us the ability to truly follow him. The Holy Spirit leads and guides me to which path I should be taking. Even when my own wisdom fails me, the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit will keep me going where I need to.

The Existence of God

2007-09-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

What proof for God's existence do you find most convincing? How have you seen God acting in your life?

One of the major ways I see proof fro the existence of God is through his creation. I can see his power and might in the majestic mountains, the crashing waves, in the thunderstorm. I see his creativity in the individuality of snowflakes, the variety of people and animals, in sunsets. I see his concern for details in the way all of our cells work together to form a person, in the intricate wildflower, the way atoms interact with each other to create "new" things. I see creation pointing to God in light being both a wave and a particle at the same time as Jesus is both human and divine, in our minds and beings and souls being greater than just the sum of our parts. God has truly made "his eternal power and divine nature... understood and seen through the things he has made."

The other place I can clearly see God is through his action and calling in my life. I can see the way he prepared me to receive him long before I began to think of him. I can see the way he created me, the desires he placed in my heart, and the people around me, even when I claimed not to believe in him, as preparation for a later time. I can see the way he worked things out in his perfect timing, even when I didn't understand what was going on at the time. I can see how he created me with certain gifts and passions and how he has used those in my life. I have seen the ways he has spoken to me through the Bible, through other people, through circumstances, and directly to my heart.

"This is Our Faith"

2007-09-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

For my Profession of Faith "class" they gave us a book called This is Our Faith: A Catholic Catechism for Adults. We are supposed to just read it on our own, and then there are discussion questions at the end of each chapter and we are supposed to write at least a paragraph on one of them and turn those in.

So far it is going well, except I can tell my only problem is going to be slowing down a bit. What can I say? I like to read! A LOT! That is always my problems with any of those books where you are supposed to read a chapter a day, I always want to keep going! Oh well!

So I figured I would go ahead and post the things I've written here while I'm at it. I'll go ahead and include the question too so it may make a little more sense!

Jumping In!

2007-09-08T19:16:00.000-07:00

So, somewhere along the way this week, I seem to have fully jumped into the Tiber! I'm not sure how it happened really and there wasn't a big moment or anything, I just know at the beginning of the week I was thinking "I'm getting closer, but I'm not quite sure yet" and now I'm thinking "Yup, I'm in! I can't wait!" Maybe it had something to do with starting class this week or starting to tell some of my friends or just being ready. But I'm in! I'm ready!

Mass tonight was amazing again. It seems like the closer I get to the Church, the more amazing it gets. I'm sure at some time I'll be a little more used to it and some of the excited butterflies will settle down, but for now they are there!

I also actually went up for a blessing during communion tonight. I hadn't been because I had read that some churches do it and some don't and I wasn't really sure I wanted to anyway. But they encouraged us on Tuesday to go up and I figured I'm ready at this point, so I did! Just being up there and being part of the communion procession was neat, I can't wait for my First Communion, that will be even more amazing!

First "Class"

2007-09-04T23:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my first Profession of Faith class tonight. It was interesting. I'm still sorting through all my thoughts and feelings, but I think I'm really going to like it. All the people were really nice and were extremely passionate about the whole thing which was neat. It is always encouraging to see people so excited about their faith. It also seems like it will be a good mix between "book learning" and faith formation. The leader talked a lot about it being a process not a program (they aren't classes either, they are sessions) which makes sense. This kind of thing isn't going to happen on the same timetable for everyone, and everyone is starting at a different place in it all. But at the same time, it doesn't seem like it will be fluffy or unorthodox. She also talked about the book we had and how we will have to stand up there and answer if we believe in all that the Catholic Church teaches, so we better know what that is! So it seems like it will be a good balance.

A couple things that struck me; first, she talked about mystery. She talked about how it isn't like a puzzle to be figured out, like a mystery book. It also isn't just throwing up your hands and saying "It is a mystery" and not thinking about anything. I wish I remember exactly how she said it, but the basic idea is that while we still try our best to understand and talk about things, at the same time, we know that our ideas and words are incomplet, that we don't see the whole. I like that, it is the balance. We try to understand and explain things as best we can, but because God is so big and so other, we will always fall a little short of what He actually is.

Another thing I liked, was we were talking about the Bible. She talked about if someone found your journal, would they have a pretty good idea of who you are as a person? Yes, but they wouldn't be able to totally understand the whole you. That is what they Bible is, it gives us a good idea about God, but we still can't totally understand God from it.

The other thing she talked about were kind of the four big focuses of this process. Catechism, learning about what the Catholic Church believes, the Bible, reading and processing it, community, becoming part of this community, and worship, participating in Mass. That makes sense to me, it seems like a nice well rounded approach to the whole thing. I guess for me, I feel like I have a decent grasp on the first two. I'm really excited about being part of a community, meeting people and haveng people around to be encouraged by and to encourage. And worship is what drew me to this in the first place, so that excites me!

I was also chatting with one of the people running it a little bit and she was telling me about one of the ladies who used to be in charge, and how she went through a similar thing as I am, trying to drop things at one church and adding them here. She mentioned how hard it had been for this lady. That was really encouraging to know that there people who have gone through what I'm dealing with and that they understand!

So that was pretty much it. Starting to get to know people and kind of a general overview of what the process would be like. It was interesting and it will be even better as I begin to feel more comfortable and get to know those around me.

First Class

2007-09-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

My first class was a good experience, all of them where in fact. I was pretty nervous, a new environment, a whole bunch of people I didn't know, and I just wasn't sure yet. Everyone was really nice and really excited about the whole thing though and that excitement was catching. The leader talked some about herself and everyone on the team also got a chance to share for a minute.

One of the big things that was emphasized was that this was a process, we were all on different parts of our journey. This isn't the kind of class that you take and graduate from, it is a process. When we were ready, we would stand up in front of the church and profess to believe all the Catholic Church teaches, so we had better know what that is!

The whole process would focus on four things, catechism, learning the faith, the Bible, community, and worship. It seemed like a nice balanced approach to the whole thing.

Conversations

Jumping In

Whew!

2007-09-03T18:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I have the highlights of this path I'm on posted now. Not all the dates are exactly right, or even close to right, but I wanted the posts in order.

The starting page is here. And then there are backward and forward arrows through more or less the present. For now I'm not going to link any of my newer posts to those, although I may go back and add some later.

But there you go. At least a little bit of a record of this crazy path I'm one!

Starting Again

2007-09-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I think I'm going to try this blogging thing again. There is a lot going on in my life right now and this seems like a good place to sort out those thoughts and start trying to put them into coherent sentences!

For anyone who happens to be reading this and doesn't know, I've started out on a journey that seems like it will end up with me in the Catholic Church. This sounds pretty crazy as I've been perfectly happy being Protestant, but seems to be where I'm headed. And I'm getting more and more sure about it every day.

I'm going to be posting as I go along, but I also want to add some of the things from before now, so I think I'll back date some of the posts. Whenever I add one that is back dated I'll post one for today too, so it doesn't get lost.

So here it goes!

Conversion Stories

2007-09-02T08:45:00.001-07:00

I've been reading a bunch of people's conversion stories online again. I read a bunch when I first started going to Mass and thinking about all of this, but at the time it was a curiosity, what are other people's experiences and feelings toward all of this.

This time it seems different though. When I read them I begin to get excited. I start thinking about where I am in the story. And what it will be like as I go through the rest of the process. I read about the amazement and awe of First Communion and I think about how I will feel when it is my turn. Yup, I imagine that is a sign that I'm getting more and more committed to this by the day!

Total Awe!

2007-09-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Mass tonight was just amazing! I'm not even sure why, it was just a normal Mass. I would guess it has to do with class starting in three days and me getting more and more excited about that. And i think I'm getting closer and closer to making that final jump of faith, that I really do believe in all of this, every last bit.

But I literally spent like half of Mass almost shaking, from the Consecration on. I was just so in awe of God and of the whole thing! And during communion as I knelled there, I usually pray, but I could express anything but amazement. I just knelled there and watched. I don't even really remember what I was thinking. I just know I was in awe.

I'm getting more and more excited about this whole thing! The scary part hasn't really gone away, but it is beginning to be overshadowed by my feelings of excitement.

Conversations

2007-08-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

I got to the point where I had all of these thoughts floating around in my head and for the most part I knew all the Catholic answers to my questions, but I wanted to be fair, I wanted to hear both sides of the story, so I finally decided to e-mail one of my pastors and tell her where my thinking was and ask a couple of questions.

I wasn't really sure I knew what I wanted out of those conversations. Half of me wanted her to have all these great answers and to talk me out of all of this craziness. The other half of me knew that it wasn't going to happen.

That second half of me turned out to be right. She had a couple of thoughts and some questions that I thought through, but nothing she said really changed my thinking or where I seemed to be heading.

Stepping Out

First Class

Stepping Out

2007-08-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

The next question was what does this mean for my life? It is one thing to think about all of this in the abstract and in terms of theology, but it is something totally different to think about what it means for real life. I have been very active in my church, how to I deal with that? It seemed in some ways like starting over. How to I start telling people?

My first step out was online. I started chatting in a thread for converts/reverts on the forums at Catholic Answers. It was just a baby step, but seemed lots easier to talk to people online than it was to tell people in real life.

Then I finally decided to try and talk to one of my pastors. Things came up and I finally e-mailed her and told her what I was thinking right now. She replied and was helpful and encouraging. And hopefully we will have a chance to talk later this week.

I Can be Catholic Like That

Conversations

I Can be Catholic Like That

2007-08-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

One day while I was again browsing at Borders I picked up a book called "Swimming with Scapulars" by Matthew Lickona. On the back it says he combines a "premodern faith with a postmodern sensibility." Since in many ways I'm still very postmodern it sounded interesting. I started reading. Yup, another book I ended up buying.

As I was reading, I was thinking, "I could be Catholic like this guy." So often it seems like both in books and online people have it all together, they have the faith all figured out, and are perfectly secure in their beliefs about whatever the issue is. But this guy was different. He faithfully lives the Catholic teachings, but he is open and honest about the doubts he has had. He is open about the things that confuse him or don't make sense to him and he seems ok with that. He doesn't have everything figured out, but he lives what he does understand as best he can. And he doesn't seem to just throw things out when he doesn't understand them.

I really do think I can be Catholic like this guy.

Getting Even Closer to the Edge

Stepping Out

Getting Even Closer to the Edge

2007-08-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

So I made it back from Bolivia, and while it took awhile for things to settle back down, they eventually did. And I started thinking more and more about the Profession of Faith class and whether or not I was going to sign up. It seemed that even though I wasn't totally ready yet, that this path I'm on is leading me closer and closer to the Catholic Church. I also knew that there would be no pressure to join if I didn't want to. So I signed up. I figured I was better off signing up and either not going at all or deciding later not to join than I would be not signing up and having to wait until next year and being ready to join.

So I again e-mailed the lady at church and told her I was ready. So we met again and chatted for awhile about where I was in the whole process. She again told me there was no pressure which was always nice to hear. She told me that while there is plenty of teaching and time for questions, an important part of it is also the relationships with the other people in the class. She also asked if I knew any Catholics and I told her no. She said that was fine, there were plenty of people who were signed up to sponsor people like me. And I signed up for the class! I will start on September 4th!

Again I left with this feeling of overwhelming excitement and terror at the same time! My thoughts were "What have I gotten myself into?" and "This is so exciting, I can't wait!" all at the same time.

Bolivia

I Can be Catholic Like That

Bolivia

2007-06-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

Then I went to Bolivia on a trip with my Methodist church. It was an amazing trip in general. I really do miss all the traveling and adventure and exploring new places. And the Spanish! And I have lots of stories to tell, and pictures, but I'll try and stick to the part that relates to my journey.

I ended up going to Mass a number of times while I was down there. We spent most of our time in Copacabana, a small town right on Lake Titicaca. It is a gorgeous place! But in the main square is a large Catholic Church that is famous for the Virgin of Copacabana. A most mornings I would wake up at a pretty early hour and have lots of time before we had to meet so I would go for a walk and watch the city wake up. Many times I would end up in this Catholic Church for Mass.

I discovered one thing I REALLY liked, even though I didn't know the responses in Spanish, I could follow along well enough and respond in English. That was much easier than the Methodist services we were going to where half of it was in Aymara, something I didn't understand at all! It just really showed me how universal the Catholic Church really is!

I also spent the trip reading "A History of Christian Theology." Ya, I know, that isn't your normal vacation reading book, but I thought it was interesting! A lot of it was stuff I had at least vaguely heard at some point, but this time I was more interested in how we got from what the early church believed to where we are now. Did their beliefs best match the Catholic Church now? Or some other church? In the end, it seemed that while there was plenty of development of doctrine along the way, for the most part, what the early Christians believed, can be found in the Catholic Church.

A Real Person

Getting Even Closer to the Edge

A Real Person

2007-05-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

So then I've been doing all this reading and praying, but I still have some questions and I figure it is probably time to actually ask them to someone in person. After a lot of going back and forth, I finally get the guts up to e-mail the parish where I've been going to Mass and I ask if there is someone who can answer my questions. The Adult Faith Formation Coordinator e-mail's me back and says she would be glad to talk to me some time. My first thought is "What have I gotten myself into?!" Reading I'm good at, and even talking to people online, but you mean I'm going to actually talk to someone in person? That makes this whole thing a thousand times more real! So I was both really excited and really nervous!

So I meet her and it was a really good meeting. We talked about some of my questions and concerns. And that gave me some more stuff to think about and was helpful. And she told me about the Profession of Faith class this fall. I told her I wanted to think some more, but would get back to her.

But I think the biggest thing I got out of that meeting was her passion. She was SOO excited to be talking about the Catholic Church and to be answering my questions. And she was SOO excited about her job. It is the kind of passion that is catching, that you can't help be at least a little bit excited about it all too!

I came out of that meeting still with some questions and things I wanted to think over, but I could tell I was getting closer and closer.

Questions... And More Questions...

Bolivia

Questions... And More Questions...

2007-04-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

So all this reading and Mass attending provided me with even more questions. So I started reading some more. Don't worry, this isn't much of a hardship, I like to read, a lot! I had a pretty basic idea of what Catholics believed, but this sent me searching for a more in depth understanding of the why questions. I got books about people who converted to Catholicism and books about Catholicism and books about theology and books about the Bible.

I started writing down my questions and starting looking for answers. I e-mailed with a couple of people I knew online who had converted/reverted and they helped. And I read stuff pretty much constantly. I had some of the common questions, what about Mary and the whole praying to the saints thing? What about the Pope? How do we interpret the Bible?

Slowly though, as I read more and more and talked to people online, I was getting to the point where I was thinking, "Hmm, I'm not sure I do believe this right now, but I think I could given a little time."

And throughout this, I'm still going to Mass and doing lots of thinking and praying.

History

A Real Person

History

2007-04-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

So all of these experiences set me off searching for something. What does all of this mean for me? I started out with Christian history, reading "Church History In Plain Language" by Bruce L. Shelley. I was enthralled! I think I read the whole 544 page book in the span of about a week. I read from the time of Christ up to around the 1990's. And then after I read it, I went back and started drawing out all of the connections and breaks and reconnections.

This made me start asking questions. If I'm Methodist and John Wesley never intended to break from the Anglican church, and the Anglican was started basically because Henry was made at the Pope because he couldn't get what he wanted, then what does that mean for me? None of those sound like very good reasons for starting a new group.

I also thought about how there were lots of problems in the Catholic Church at times, but eventually they worked through them. It seems like a lot of churches go in cycles, they have their ups and downs and there is something to be said for the Catholic Church that has gone through so many cycles and survived and remained faithful through it all.

Easter

Questions... And More Questions...

Easter

2007-04-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

This brings us up to Holy Week. I ended up going to services at two United Methodist churches, an Episcopal church, and a Catholic church that week. Partly this was because I was curious and trying to find where I fit and partly this was how my schedule worked out. They were all powerful, how can Holy Week not be powerful? But the most amazing one, was Easter Vigil at the Catholic Church.

I didn't get there super early and this time I didn't have to worry about driving around the block a whole bunch because there were TONS of people there already. Again, being the kind of person that I am, I had read some online about what to expect, so I had a clue and understood some of the symbolism, but I was in no way prepared for how moving the whole experience would be.

There we are in the dark and they light the Easter Candle outside and then start the procession into the church. Slowly as we pass the light from our own small candles to those of our neighbors, light begins to fill the room. All those tiny little lights, together as one, illuminate the room fairly well. Then we listen to the story of salvation from creation, the patriarchs, and the prophets.

And all of a sudden we get to Jesus! The room fills with lights and Alleluias! Christ has risen! As we are standing there singing praise to Christ, I can barely get the words out I'm so full of emotion and awe at the whole thing. Then people are baptized, confirmed, and receive First Communion.

The whole service was powerful, but those moments stood out, and stand out now, as amazing. I left feeling so full of the awe and wonder and joy of Easter!

Where Do I Belong?

History

Where Do I Belong?

2007-03-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

So this all got me to thinking about how do I fit into all of this. My experience at Mass as well as a couple of books and stuff I read online, had me pretty convinced that there was something to this style of worship. The question became how do I become a part of this? I loved my Methodist church, but we were almost as un-liturgical as you could get. I thought about the Episcopal church thinking that was an easy way to remain Protestant, yet still be part of this style of worship. But the more I thought about it and the more I talked to a couple of people online, the more convinced I became that there were just too many problems in the Episcopal church right now. I'm not totally conservative, but more so than they seem to be at this point.

That left me with the Catholic Church. And that seemed totally crazy! I mean I didn't have a problem with other people being Catholic, but don't they add on too much stuff to the Bible? Mary? The Pope? All of that? It isn't for me. Yet at the same time, I couldn't deny what I was experiencing in Mass, and I kept going back, so I started thinking and praying, A LOT!

First Step Toward the Water

Easter

First Step Towards the Water

2007-03-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

So now we fast forward quite a bit to this March. I had been thinking off and on for quite awhile about trying to visit some kind of church (read: Protestant) with a liturgical worship service, but never could find one that didn't interfere with my commitments to my own church. I'm not even sure how it dawned on me, but I found a near by Catholic Church that had a Saturday night Mass. I now realize this shouldn't be any surprise, but it was at the time.

So after much debate I decided to go. I'm a bit compulsive about being places on time, so I'm often pretty early and this was no exception. But I was terrified, so I drove around the block, and around the block, and around a different block, and again, waiting for the parking lot to get fuller. I purposely went to a bigger church so I would blend in and there was NO WAY I was going to go into that church until there were enough people that I could blend in!

Finally I decided there were enough people there that I was ok with going in, so I gathered up my courage and went in. I had read quite a bit about what to expect already, yes, I'm that type, I have to have a much information as possible before I get myself into something, so I at least had a little bit of a clue, but still all the flipping around in the Missal had me a little lost. But even in the midst of all that, I had a profound sense of awe and wonder at the whole thing. THIS IS WORSHIP!

And then we got to the Consecration and I was kneeling there, not sure at all if I believed anything was actually happening, but still filled with this amazing sense of awe. I'm not sure I can describe it at all, but it is the feeling I get whenever God is doing something big in my life. And there I am in a Catholic Church, feeling like God is moving! Amazing!

The Emergent Church

Where Do I Belong?

The Emergent Church

2007-01-02T08:41:00.001-07:00

Now, you might be wondering what the Emergent Church has to do with being Catholic, aren't they a Protestant group? And aren't they kind of off the deep end of liberalism? Don't worry, this all connects!

So a couple of years ago I was hanging out at borders, ya, I do that quite often, and happened to pick up a book called "The Younger Evangelicals" by Robert Webber. It describes some of the trends for younger people within the Evangelical church, things like a longing for community, especially an intergenerational one, a resurgence of art in worship, concern for the poor, and a realization that the "road to the future runs through the past." As I was reading, the little voice kept going off in my head, "That is me! That is how I think! Someone actually understands!"

I later discovered "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren as well as a number of other writers within the Emergent Movement like Rob Bell and Donald Miller. I know there are lots of people out there who will disagree with a lot of what these guys say, but I was drawn to them as I felt they were putting into words things I was already thinking, but didn't know how to express.

I learned a lot through these books. I began to appreciate the mystery of faith. While learning all I can is good, it is also good to just step back sometimes and just rest. To know that God is so much bigger, that I can't possibly know it all and that is ok. It is good to just sit and appreciate the immenseness and mystery of it all. They talked about liturgical worship and the traditions of the past and I began to appreciate those even more. I began to think about what it means for God's Kingdom to come and for His will to be done, in the here and now, not just in the future.

In so many ways I am postmodern. I don't think it is a bod thing, just different. And these authors spoke both to my head and to my heart.

How it all Began

First Step Toward the Water

How it all Began

2007-01-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

Although I had no idea at the time, this whole process began many years ago.

I didn't grow up in church and started going when I was in high school with a friend. I became a Christian and quickly got involved. But that is a whole other story. The point is, I started out in a Baptist church, about as far away from the Catholic Church as you can get! I thought all those repetitive rituals were silly and pretty pointless. I did however seem to miss out on all the anti-Catholic stuff, mostly because I have this "addiction" to talking to people on message boards. I read enough from a couple of catholics on the teen religion boards on AOL to know they don't worship Mary and are actually Christians.

When I went to college my faith and theology continued to grow and mature and I drifted away from the baptist traditions. That again is another story, but there are a couple of things that relate to this one.

First, I discovered Ash Wednesday and Lent. I'd never heard of such things before until a couple of good friends invited me to the Ash Wednesday service at the Methodist church right off campus. It was a bit strange at first, but I fell in love with it. The solemnness and fasting just made the joy of Easter all the more vivid. I've been a fairly faithful observer of Lent ever since.

Then I spent a couple of summers working in Dallas with a Methodist organization. Among the things I experienced was Communion at least once a week with all the other people I was working with. Now, coming from a church where we were luck to have it once a quarter, this was quite a shock! But again, I got used to it and began to love it as I learned the words to the liturgy and as God began to speak to me through it.

Then right after I graduated I again worked for the Methodist group, only in Tulsa, OK this time. In our group we had a guy who was a VERY committed Episcopalian. The way he talked and worshiped began to intrigue me. I'm not even sure what it was a about it, but it was interesting. And when shortly after that I moved down here, I stopped at an Episcopal church on Sunday morning during my drive.

So all these seemingly random events began to form how I thought about the world and about the church. I had NO IDEA at the time, but eventually that change in thinking would prepare me for what is happening now.

The Emergent Church

Spirit

2006-05-08T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'm reading "Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places" by Eugene Petterson right now. I'm not very far into it yet, but it is interesting. One of the things it talks about is how the Spirit is present in Creating, the breath of God, in the redemption, the baptism of Jesus, and in the church, through Pentecost.

"The continuing miracle that continues to astonish is that the same breath (life) of God that created havens and earth, that validated and blessed Jesus, is now breathed into ordinary men and women and formed into words that continues to give witness to God's Genesis-creation and Jesus-salvation."

That really strikes me as AMAZING! It is so easy to think of creation and the life of Jesus as these BIG events, and in many ways they are. But that same Spirit that guided those events is present in my own life now and can guide me to if I will listen to it. That seems such an amazing idea!

It is also so easy to think of spirituality as this kind of fuzzy, feel good idea, something that can't really be pinned down. But it is more than that. Here is the Spirit working in VERY visible, concrete ways. And at the same time, it isn't just "out there," it is something that is intimate, now working through the lives of you and me.

Church and Books

2006-05-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that I love my church? I love the worship and preaching and the kids and all the people. I love having a place where I can go and be myself and just enjoy it. I love having friends I know I can count on. I love being able to just sit around at talk. I love being known by people. I love working at my church. I love being able to go there more often. I love the people I work with. I love being able to help others. I love being appreciated. Ya, I really do love my church.

And a random fun sight, www.Librarything.com . You can catalog all the books you own. It is kind of fun to see what all I have. You can also see what other people own and who has books similar to you. Here are my books. I don't have THAT many, only 259 in there right now. That is most of the books I own. I still have some floating around my apartment that I haven't found yet though.

When it just works

2006-05-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

yes, I really still alive. [:D] I think life is starting to slow down a little bit, so I'll try and get back to regular posting.

My Sunday School class went REALLY well this week. For those of you who don't know, I teach a 4th and 5th grade class.

It was one of those times where it had nothing at all to do with what I was doing, but was totally God. We got totally off topic, but the discussions we had were really interesting and also showed me some stuff we need to talk about for the next couple of weeks. We talked about the Bible and how it is a collection of books, not just one book. We talked about the trinity and about Jesus being both God and human at the same time. We talked a little bit about hell and what happens when you die. It was all REALLY interesting and totally led by the questions from my kids.

This makes me excited for the next couple of weeks. I'm going to try and hit some of these topics in a little more detail.

BibleDudes Hall of Fame

2006-04-22T21:26:00.000-07:00