It is slowly starting to sink in that I really am Catholic. I went to Mass again this morning, partly because it is just too weird not going to church on Sunday, partly because they had the Rite of Acceptance for the other people who were in my class, and partly just because I could!
It was a really neat experience to be able to participate in the Rite of Acceptance. I've been in class with all these people, so I know them and I'm excited for them. It was also powerful to remember that I really am fully part of this community that is welcoming them. I'm on the other side and now I have the privilege of cheering them on until they join us!
Receiving communion was really powerful today, in some ways even more so than yesterday. I think today I was able to just slow down and relax and focus better. It was powerful to finally walk up with everyone else for communion and feel like I belonged. It wasn't that I didn't really belong before, but it was different today.
Then as I got back to my seat to knell I was just soo full of awe and wonder at what had just happened. Even now as I type, many of those feelings come flooding back. I really did hold Jesus in my hand and then place Him in my mouth and receive Him into my self in the most personal and intimate way possible. And every week I'm able to come back and do it again and again! It is just the most amazing thing!
I love being Catholic!
Sinking In
More Thoughts
Profession of Faith
One of the most amazing moments was to stand up there in front of the church, in front of Monsignor, the people who have been leading our classes, my friends, and tons of people I didn't even know and be able to say yes, I believe everything the Catholic Church teaches. And then to have Monsignor officially welcome me into the Church. I just grinned! 
Confirmation
One thing I quickly noticed about receiving confirmation is how good the oil smelt. It lingered, even when I got home I could still kind of smell it. I thought about how this really is a good symbol for what has happened. You can't see the oil on my head, there hasn't been any physical change in me, I still look just like I did yesterday morning, or last year, but I have changed. I want to have that lingering sweetness of the oil. I want to be that for the world around me.
First Holy Communion
I think by this point I was so totally overwhelmed with everything, I remember the least about this part. I do remember looking at Monsignor as he looked at me holding Jesus out to me for the first time. What an amazing thing! I was just overwhelmed by the whole thing! I think it actually hit me more when I went to Mass this morning, but more about that later.
Wow...
Wow... That is pretty much my biggest thought as I sit here right now trying to sort through all my thoughts and feelings. I'm here. I'm within the bounds of the visible Church on earth. I'm Catholic. It still seems crazy, but I'm so filled with joy peace and I know it is where I belong.
The easiest thing to sort out is what all happened last night, and then maybe I'll be able to sort out some of my thoughts and experiences about the whole thing.
So I got to church at 4 pm yesterday and found the lady who was standing in for my sponsor. We were all sitting around and kind of chatting as we were waiting for everyone to arrive. It seems like we all had pretty similar emotions, excitement, anticipation, for everything that was going to happen. Then the lady in charge had me and the other guy who was to speak practice out thing in front of the group.
By that point, most of the group had arrived, so we opened in prayer and then listened to the gospel reading for the day and talked about it a bit with the people at our table. Then we again quickly went over how everything was going to go, when to stand, what to say, all of that kind of stuff. And then over to the church!
The first part of the Mass was pretty normal. We started just sitting in our seats at the front of the church and went through the liturgy of the Word like normal, listening to the readings. Only it wasn't normal, soon I would be fully Catholic!
After the homily all of us who were to make a profession of faith along with our sponsors were called to the front of the church. We stood there, with our sponsors behind us, and Monsignor asked us if we believed all that the Catholic Church teaches and proclaims to be true. We responded "I do!" Then Monsignor officially welcomed us into the Catholic Church.
After that the people who were to be confirmed stood as their names were called and then we all stood and Monsignor prayed for us again. Then we received the Sacrament of Confirmation. One at a time we walked up to Monsignor, who made the sign of the cross with the oil on our foreheads as he said "receive the Holy Spirit" and I responded "Amen," then he said "Peace be with you" and we responded "And also with you." The smell of the oil is wonderful, but more on that later. Three couples were then married in the Church.
So then Mass continues on as normal with the prayers of the people, the offering, and then the Liturgy of the Table. So we get to Communion time and finally I get to walk up to Monsignor, hold out my hands, hear "the Body of Christ" and respond "Amen" and receive Jesus. Then I walked over to the EMHC and receive the Blood of Christ. Just an amazing experience overall!
Mass continues and then ends and we processed out in front of the priests. I met up with my friends on the side walk and we went over to the small reception. I got my certificate that says I'm fully Catholic, ate a piece of cake and hung out for a few minutes. Then my friends took me out to eat.
So that is what happened. I'll try and sort out my thoughts and feelings about it all more in my next post.
I'M CATHOLIC ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I'M CATHOLIC!!!
I'll post more later after I have some time to sort out my thoughts!
Crazy Me
So I mentioned that crazy me volunteered to speak for a minute on Saturday. As of right now, here is what I think I'm going to say. Thoughts? Comments anyone?
Eight months ago I walked through the doors of this church and into Mass. Even now I can't really explain why I came. I was happy in the Protestant church I was part of, I was active there and had, and still have, great friends there. As best as I can say, I came out of curiosity.
As I experienced that first Mass with all the sitting and standing, kneeling and responses, God spoke to me. It wasn't anything audible or spectacular, just a great sense of awe and reverence and a deep longing to return. So I did.
Here I am again in this church eight months later. A lot has happened in that time. I have read lots of books, asked questions, thought, and most of all prayed. And now I'm standing here, I have professed my belief in all the Catholic Church teaches, I have received confirmation, and soon I will receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament for the first time. Eight months ago I never would have dreamed I would be standing here, but it seems fitting to both begin and end this part of my journey here in Mass.
And while this part of my journey has ended, I know the real journey has only begun. I feel like I have just walked through the door of a great Cathedral. As I look around at all there is to take in and explore, I know I will never see it all. But I look forward to trying and look forward to all of the great treasures I will discover here!
Last Week of Class
I'm almost there! Only 3 days to go!!!
We had practice last night so we would know where to sit, when to stand, and what to say! I can't believe that I'm almost there. I'm also apparently crazy; I volunteered to say a few words about what this journey has meant to me. What was I thinking!? 
We also had class like usual last night too, our last one. One thing that stuck out was our leader mentioned that the word "believe" has roots in the word "heart." So belief is not just a head thing, an assent to certain ideas, but is also a heart thing, something that happens in the very deepest parts of ourselves.
At first I started thinking about how often times it is mostly a head thing for me. I love thinking about theology and doctrine and all of that. It is fun an interesting. As I continued to think though, that isn't true. My belief is deeper than that. I can't even really explain why I believe, I just do, it is part of me, part of who I am. I can't imagine not believing.
I think it is just so much harder to express that heart part of belief, so it often comes out as reason instead. It comes out as ideas and theology instead of what is in my heart. I'm not saying all of that is bad, but I want to be able to express what is in my heart as well as what is in my head.
Prayers for the Faithfully Departed
I have discovered something else I love about being Catholic, although I would have preferred to discover this one in some other way.
My grandma died yesterday. It wasn't a huge surprise, she has been not good for quite awhile, but still it hits you.
But I now understand how comforting it is to be able to pray for her. One of my first thoughts when I found out was I want to go to Mass and pray for her there. And I have prayed the "Prayer for the Faithfully Departed" a number of times since I found out.
This is so much better than being protestant. Then I could pray for my family and for myself, but that didn't really seem like "enough." But I didn't know what else to do. Now there is something tangible and specific I can do FOR my grandma as thanks for her love.
Eternal rest grant unto Grandma, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
Holiness in Community
So I'm skipping back to my thoughts from class on Tuesday. The topic was the Church, quite a lot to cover in a couple of hours, but it was interesting. Our associate pastor presented and that was neat because we haven't seen quite as much of him. The whole thing was pretty theological, which I enjoyed, but I wonder if it went over some people's heads.
The thing that caught me the most was when he was talking about the four marks of the church, one, holy, catholic, and apostolic. He talked about how we are called to holiness as a community. That stuck with me because I'm from a Wesleyan background so there is quite a bit of talk about personal holiness. We are supposed to be moving towards holiness. But I have never really thought about holiness as a whole church. It makes sense, we are supposed to be a holy community.
The whole community thing is something that has really struck me as a Catholic. The sense of connection is so much greater than the other churches I've been a part of. I have a much more real sense that we are all connected and all part of the same body. I love it!
I have also noticed this in how excited people have been for me as I'm converting. It is so encouraging to have this cheering section behind me. People at church, people I've talked to through e-mail, friends at the Catholic Answers Forums, people posting here, everyone has been SOO excited for me!
I'm CLEAN ! ! ! ! !
I'm clean! That is all I can think right now! How fresh and clean I am! I'll give you one guess which Sacrament I received today.
So I finally actually got to talk to Monsignor on the phone, after only 6 days of phone tag. And what does he say? "Can you come in about an hour?" I calmly told him that would be fine, while instantly beginning to shake inside! Yup, that nervous excitement building up in me all at once.
I'll try and write more about the whole thing later when I can think and process better, but for now, just whatever comes to mind.
The whole thing is a powerful experience, but at the end, he put his hands on my head and says the words of absolution. It is just AMAZING! God is really washing away all of my sins through the hands of Monsignor! How cool is that?! Then he prays for me that I would be strengthened. And at the end, he gives me a big hug and tells me how excited and happy for me he is!
It is funny, you read all about how God uses everyday, physical things in the Sacraments, water, bread, wine, touch, oil, but it doesn't really hit you until you participate. How lucky am I to be able to have the VERY physical memory and reminder of the Sacrament to remind me I'm forgiven, of everything! It is one thing to think back to the words he said, or even before to think back to how I would just pray for forgiveness, but now I have the reminder, Monsignor touching my head to remind me that I'm forgiven and to remind me to "go and sin no more." It is so much more powerful that way! Amazing, God knew what He was doing! 
Sin and Reconciliation...
Well, this has all been floating around in my head for awhile, but since soon I will hopefully have my first Reconciliation, I'll go ahead and try and sort out some of these thoughts.
This is another one of those places where I can tell there has been a pretty big shift in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, I loved the church I was in and grew a lot there, but there wasn't much talk about sin. It would be mentioned occasionally and there was the prayer of confession each month before communion, but it seemed a lot more abstract. There is sin in the world and I'm a part of that sin, but I was never really "forced" to think about my own personal sins.
As I was reading more about Reconciliation and about the Ten Commandments in my book for RCIA I began to think more and more about my own sin. I knew it was there, I knew there were plenty of places where I messed up, but I was able to keep it in the abstract. But now here I am and I will have to name all of those specific sins. And not only will I have to admit them to myself, which is scary enough, I will also have to admit them, out loud, to someone else.
My brain tells me this is a great practice. I know it will be healing and I know it is important to admit those sins, both to my self and to some one else, and I know it is a sacrament, a means of grace. But it is still SCARY!
So on Friday I finally got up the guts to call the priest at my parish to make an appointment. Unfortunately we have now been playing phone tag all weekend long. 
But I really am excited about this whole thing! And I'm confident that even though it is hard to admit all of those sins, it is important and good.
Less than TWO weeks to go!
Yup, exactly two weeks from today, at this time, I will be fully Catholic!
Today a group of us went to Mass at a convent, prayed the rosary there, and hiked the Stations of the Cross. It was a really neat experience and a BEAUTIFUL day for the whole thing. 
Today before Mass this evening as I was knelling there praying, I was thinking about my First Reconciliation. Monsignor and I have spent the day playing phone tag trying to set up a time for it, so it was on my mind. I'm a bit nervous, as I think pretty much everyone is, but I'm also kind of excited. It will basically be my first officially Catholic thing, before I'm even officially Catholic. So just the idea of doing it is exciting! It means I'm almost there!
I was also thinking about finally being able to go up in the Communion line and hold out my hands to receive Jesus instead of crossing my arms for a blessing. I almost cried just thinking about it, and I don't cry very easily! I really can't wait. And thankfully, I'm sure the next two weeks really will go quickly!
A Good Night
Last night's RCIA was really cool! It started out with presents. Presents are always a good start, right? They gave us a Missal for the next year, starting in December with Advent, a little scriptural rosary booklet, and a rosary.
The topic for the night was the Communion of Saints and Mary. We started with the Saints and just kind of started going slowly through the sections in out book. Our leader kind of highlighted the important stuff and asked if anyone had any questions.
Then they gave us each a little piece of paper and had us write down a prayer request on it and put it in a basket up front. Then we all formed a circle around the room and they turned down the lights. They lighted a single candle, the Christ Candle. We slowly went up and picked up a slip of paper out of the basket, someone else's prayer request, and got a small candle and lit it off the Christ Candle. While we were doing this, on of the leaders lead us in a Litany of the Saints, Saint... Pray for us. It was just really neat and powerful!
Then we also talked some about Mary, although we were kind of running out of time. One thing that has stuck with me is out leader told us to think of ourselves as little preschoolers of kindergartners just kind of starting out and exploring the world and to think of Mary as our mother. She is a perfect Mother and knows all the things that we will need to know in the future and she will patiently teach us. She also stressed many times that Mary's job is to help us have a relationship with Jesus, a true devotion to Mary is a devotion to Christ.
I'll admit that I still don't fully "get" the Mary thing, but I think slowly I'm coming closer and closer and "getting" it more and more. I'm just trying to be patient and remembering that You don't develop a relationship with anyone overnight, Mary included!
The other neat thing that happened last night was they did a short interview with me and took my picture. Every week they do this with a different person in our group and then it goes in the Sunday bulletin. It is supposed to help us become more a part of the wider community and allow the community to know who we are and to pray for us. I think it is really neat!
So yup, in all it was a GREAT night!
Funny
It is funny how some days I can walk into Mass and feel totally at home like I've been doing this for years. And other days I walk into Mass and think this is totally crazy, how did I end up here?!
Today was one of those second days. It isn't a bad thing, I'm firmly convinced this is where I belong, it is just a weird feeling. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that this is where I would end up. And some days the craziness of all of that hits me.
And at the same time that craziness makes me insanely excited! Monsignor got to the part in Mass where he says:
Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us the bread of life.It just kind of hit me again. Here is this little piece of bread and soon it will literally become Jesus! How crazy is that and how EXCITING!
All Saints Day
Happy All Saints Day! So I went to Mass this morning like a good Catholic.
Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might,It is just amazing to me that were really are singing this to God with all the angels and the saints. They are standing in the presence of God and we are in the presence of God in the Blessed Sacrament! It is just amazing!
Heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.
What I love (or will love) about being Catholic
Edit: I'm adding another one to my list. It is at the top so you don't have to scroll to the bottom!
I've been reading May Crowning, Mass, and Merton: 50 Reasons I Love Being Catholic by Liz Kelly. So I started thinking about the things that I love. So far this is what I've come up with. They are in no particular order, simply the order they popped into my mind. I'm sure I will also come up with more as I go along and I'll add those to the top of the list and repost it as I think of them.
- Prayers for the Faithfully Departed: It is nice to have something real and tangible I can do to show my love for someone who has died. It is so much better than just praying for their family. I can actually show love for that specific person by praying for them. I love that!
- Quiet time before Mass: I love getting to church a bit early and being able to sit there in the quiet and pray before Mass starts. It helps me focus on why I'm there. And it gives me a chance to lay all of my "stuff" at the feet of Jesus so I can truly focus on the Mass. Sure, it isn't always exactly quiet, but just the idea that this time to stop and pray is normal and even expected is amazing!
- Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament: This is one of the biggest ones, and seems to be the same for most Catholics. Every time I go to Mass and we get to the consecration I'm just in total awe! This is Jesus, right here in front of me! And soon I will be able to receive Him right into my own body. Amazing!
- The Sacraments: I love the sacraments. I love that there is this physical thing that conveys God's grace. I love that God knew that we need this physical thing, the touch, the bread, the wine, the words. I love that God requires us to use all of our senses in worship. The water pouring over my head and dripping down my back is a very vivid memory of my baptism. And I'm sure my experience with the rest of the sacraments will be the same!
- History: This is the biggest thing that started my journey into the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has been around a LONG time and has a rich history to go with it. It has existed since the time of Christ.
- People across time and space: I love this connection to so many different people, people in other places and people in other times. It enriches my faith to remember that for thousands of years people have been worshiping in more or less the same way and today people from countries all over the world are worshiping in more or less the same way. I have this real connection to all of them. They enrich my faith and I enrich theirs. We are all part of the same body!
- Holy Water: I love dipping my finger in the holy water and crossing myself every time I walk into the church. It is a reminder of why I am here. I am here to worship and to focus on God. I am here because in baptism, God made me part of His family.
- It's hard to get in: I love the fact that it takes time to be Catholic. It takes some work to be Catholic. It takes effort. I don't just show up at my local Catholic parish one week and then be Catholic the next. I think having a whole process is helpful. Sure, some times I get impatient, but waiting is a good thing. It gives me the chance to make sure this isn't just a phase of fad, but something I really want and something I really believe in. The best things in life are worth waiting for!
- Staying Power: The Catholic Church has been around a long time and has had its fair share of problems. There have been times when many people in the Church were not such great people. But the Church has survived all of that. She made it through and has continued to grow and thrive. I like that. It says to me that this really is the one, true Church that Jesus established and is sustaining.
- Thinking: I love that I'm allowed to think in the Church. There is room for theologians. There is room for all of my questions. There are plenty of Saints who thought about all of this too, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine. Even the process of coming into the Church involves thinking about theology. There is no checking your brains at the door.
- Social Justice: I love that the Church is highly involved in caring for the needs of the poor and outcast. There is none of this let's just tell them about Jesus and all will be better. There is even a list of the things we are supposed to be doing, the corpal acts of mercy, feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, visit the imprisoned, visit the sick, and bury the dead. We are to care for people not only spiritually, but also physically.
- The Saints: Coming from a protestant background, the communion of the saints is one of those things that many of us struggle with, and I'm only slowly beginning to "get" it. I love that the Saints are so diverse! There are mystics and theologians, hermits and people who lived in the everyday world, priests, nuns, and lay people, people with families and those who were single, rich and poor, people with power and those without. There are Saints from every walk of life and they can understand my struggles and cheer me on.
- Sign of the Cross: I love making the sign of the cross as I pray. It has become something that I can do when I'm thinking about God, praying, but don't have anything in particular that I want to say. I can simply make the sign of the cross as a prayer.
- Catholic Calisthenics: I love that when I go to Mass my whole body is involved in worship. I stand, sit, knell, walk, move my hands. It isn't just my mind or my heart or even my mouth, but all of me participates. It reminds me that God wants all of me, not just part, but all!
- Both/And: I love that there is room for both/and in the Church. There are so many things that aren't black or white or that can't be explained simply and the Church knows that and recognizes that. The answer to many questions is both/and. There is room for this tension.
Rite of Welcome - Part 2
Then we did a short prayer walk. There is a hallway in the building we were in that has a row of icons on it, so we all walked along that, stopping at each one for a moment to reflect and pray the short prayer on the icon and then make a sign of reverence, kind of a bow with your head. Then we went into the Retreat Room and Monsignor read us the second creation story and we talked about that for a minute. Then we were sent out into creation to reflect for a bit. We were also told to bring back something that said something about ourselves. I brought back a little plant with some roots on it. I talked about how it is the root's job to soak up the water and nutrients. I feel like right now that is where I'm at. I've spent a while in this active learning stage, reading, thinking, praying a lot, but now it is time for me to slow down and just kind of soak everything in. Absorb everything around me.
Then we read the story of God telling Abraham to sacrifice Issac and talked about it for a bit. Then we broke up into pairs to talk about trust and faith. I ended up with our leader since my sponsor had something else today. I really like our leader, she is always so encouraging and helpful and I'm blessed whenever I get to talk with her. So we talked about the questions. And we also talked a bit about where I was in all of this. She said that she was reading all of my reflection papers (since I'm done with the book, there are quite a few of them!). She also mentioned how she like the one when I was talking about how Mary is slowly finding her way into my life. She said that it seems to be like that, that the closer one gets to Jesus, the closer one gets to Mary.
Then we read a passage from Romans about sin. We talked a bit about personal sin and original sin. We talked about how we all have those places where we have failed. Then we each got a piece of paper where we were supposed to write down all of those things and then fold it up and put it in a bowl. Then we quietly walked outside with those and burnt them. It was a powerful moment. I was thinking, this is what confession will be like, all that stuff will be totally gone! When we went back inside that is what we talked about, how powerful a thing the Sacrament of Reconciliation is. Even as it is scary to admit all of those sins and to speak them out loud, I'm getting more and more excited about being able to do that. I'm excited about the grace that God gives through the sacrament!
I really am getting more and more excited every day about this. It is crazy, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would end up Catholic. But I'm one hundred percent convinced that this is where God is calling me. And this journey is amazing!
Rite of Welcome - Part 1
Today we had a Rite of Welcome and a little mini-retreat. There were eight of us there who will be received into the Church at the end of November. It was a really neat thing. We got there and they gave us a very brief overview of what would happen in Mass, basically when we would go up to the front and that we would have to tell everyone our names. So then we went over to the church and sat in the first two rows. We went through the Liturgy of the Word part like normal. Then after the homily, they called us and our sponsors to stand up at the front. They welcomed us and had us say our names as a sign of our desire to continue deciding if we want to be received into the Church. Then the congregation as asked if they would support us on our journey, and of course responded that they would. 
We talked about it afterwards while we were eating breakfast. I said that for me, it played a big part in making this all very real. I'm almost there! We have hit the home stretch. And it is getting more and more exciting by the day! Only 28 days to go!
In the Presence of Jesus
It really is crazy to think about how much I've changed in the past little bit. In some ways it seems like it have been forever and in others it has been incredibly fast! In some ways it is a bit scary, but even more so, really exciting!
I went to Mass this morning, and it was amazing as usual. Before Communion we sang this:
Jesus, Lamb of God, saving love for all,
Lord of heav’n and earth, Father’s love for all;
I bow to you.
Jesus, Lamb of God, saving love for all,
Lord of heav’n and earth; I bow to you, bow to you, I bow to you.
(Adoration by Matt Maher)
It was really powerful to be singing about that as I was literally there kneeling in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I love that!
I also went to Adoration this afternoon. Ever since we went to Benediction the second week of RCIA I've thought about going, but never really got up the guts to actually go. It isn't that there is anything in particular scary about going, just a something I've never done, so it took a little talking myself into it. But today I was sitting at lunch reading about silence. So I was thinking how nice a thing that is, but there are just so many distractions.
So I was like, ok, I'm going! And I did. And it was amazing! I just sat there in the presence of Jesus for awhile; just soaking it all in. I wrote some and then just knelt there some more. I will definitely be back to see Jesus again!
Only 37 Days to Go!
So I'm getting closer and closer to making all of this official. Only 37 days to go! We talked about the Eucharist in class this week. We talked spent a little time talking with each other about our feelings about waiting and such and it was good to hear that I'm not the only impatient one! :D We also went into the Adoration Chapel for a few minutes and stayed for Benediction again. It was really amazing! I just sat there mostly just staring thinking, that really is Jesus, right there! And I can't believe I'm here thinking all of this! It really is still crazy some days! But I'm also incredibly excited!
All of us who are planning on being confirmed and receiving First Communion in November met with the director for a couple of minutes. We will be having a welcoming thing on the 27th at the morning Mass and then have a little mini retreat that morning. That sounds exciting! And I can't believe that it is that soon!
She also made a comment to the group about how it is possible to finish the book, as I already have. 
Fullness of Truth
When I first started reading stuff about the Catholic Church and about people who had converted, a phrase that popped up fairly often was the "fullness of truth." At the time I didn't really "get" it at all. It seemed a bit arrogant. I mean I've been a Christian for awhile now and don't I have truth too? It didn't really make me mad or anything, it just seemed like kind of a weird statement.
Funny thing is though, the closer I have gotten to the Church, the more I understand that statement. I really have found the fullness of truth in the Catholic Church. I had truth before, quite a bit of it. But this is even better! It is taking what I already believed and expanding it, making it bigger. It really is an exciting thing!
I'm coming home!
