Sin and Reconciliation...

Well, this has all been floating around in my head for awhile, but since soon I will hopefully have my first Reconciliation, I'll go ahead and try and sort out some of these thoughts.

This is another one of those places where I can tell there has been a pretty big shift in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, I loved the church I was in and grew a lot there, but there wasn't much talk about sin. It would be mentioned occasionally and there was the prayer of confession each month before communion, but it seemed a lot more abstract. There is sin in the world and I'm a part of that sin, but I was never really "forced" to think about my own personal sins.

As I was reading more about Reconciliation and about the Ten Commandments in my book for RCIA I began to think more and more about my own sin. I knew it was there, I knew there were plenty of places where I messed up, but I was able to keep it in the abstract. But now here I am and I will have to name all of those specific sins. And not only will I have to admit them to myself, which is scary enough, I will also have to admit them, out loud, to someone else.

My brain tells me this is a great practice. I know it will be healing and I know it is important to admit those sins, both to my self and to some one else, and I know it is a sacrament, a means of grace. But it is still SCARY! Grin 4

So on Friday I finally got up the guts to call the priest at my parish to make an appointment. Unfortunately we have now been playing phone tag all weekend long. Hopefully we will finally connect and I will be able to meet with him. I'm quite sure part of this terror is the fear of the unknown.

But I really am excited about this whole thing! And I'm confident that even though it is hard to admit all of those sins, it is important and good.


Tracy said...

I always used to get super nervous about confession, so much that I went without it for well over ten years (no joke!) my son Matt was taking his first reconciliation December of 2006 and he asked me why I never went... it really bothered me and I said " I have no excuse Matt, I just get really nervous" so when the kids were done the parents were able to go to confession and I went... I was scared and I told my priest that, he just calmed me down and I got through it and I have gone many times since and it is such a huge blessing to me, I don't know why I let myself go so long.
One thing that helps me get ready is to listen to the song "when God ran" by Phillips, Craig and Dean... that song makes my heart ready, I know that I sin all the time and those sins do need to be confessed so that I can really let them go and begin to heal.
I'm so excited for you and will pray for you, what a exciting journey you are on!!!Blessings to you.

marymargaret said...

Welcome home, Karen! I have been reading your archives about you coming into the Catholic Church, and they bring tears to my eyes. The Church is blessed to have you.

Best of luck with your first Confession. It is rather intimidating--to realize that you will give voice to your sins, and hold nothing back, but it is an amazing experience. Confession is for us, not for God! God knows your sins, He knows you are sorry, but there is nothing like admitting them out loud, and receiving absolution in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit! (Oh, BTW, we cradle Catholics have lots of really good stories about our First Confessions--we generally get a big laugh out of them! Never will I understand how Father gets through some of these confessions without laughing out loud, but they are all so kind--well, everyone I have confessed to has been kind.)

Seriously, nothing is really worth doing that isn't a little difficult. Trust God--He will bless you richly through this Sacrament.