Only 37 Days to Go!

So I'm getting closer and closer to making all of this official. Only 37 days to go! We talked about the Eucharist in class this week. We talked spent a little time talking with each other about our feelings about waiting and such and it was good to hear that I'm not the only impatient one! :D We also went into the Adoration Chapel for a few minutes and stayed for Benediction again. It was really amazing! I just sat there mostly just staring thinking, that really is Jesus, right there! And I can't believe I'm here thinking all of this! It really is still crazy some days! But I'm also incredibly excited!

All of us who are planning on being confirmed and receiving First Communion in November met with the director for a couple of minutes. We will be having a welcoming thing on the 27th at the morning Mass and then have a little mini retreat that morning. That sounds exciting! And I can't believe that it is that soon!

She also made a comment to the group about how it is possible to finish the book, as I already have. She also said something about how it seems I have internalized all of this. It is true. I really am beginning to think like a Catholic. It is funny because sometimes people will post things on the CAF message board and I'll actually know the answer or think of something very "Catholic," and it will surprise me! I can't believe how much my thinking has changed. I guess that is the Holy Spirit at work and a sign that this really is where I belong!

Tired, but a Good Day!

I'm totally exhausted right now, but in all, it has been a good day.

I went to the traditional Mass this morning. At this point, I'm not sure I really have a preference on which one I go to. Since there are really only a couple of songs and everything else is pretty much the same, I don't think it matters quite as much as in a Protestant church. Everyone did tend to dress up a bit more for this Mass though. Not too fancy, but a lot more dresses and skirts and I don't think I saw any jeans. The other Masses I've been to seem a bit more casual.

Not receiving communion is still hard at any Mass, and it doesn't help when the deacon tries to give it to you. He wasn't paying attention to the fact I had my arms crossed and started to hand me the host, but then noticed and put it down and blessed me instead. He also told me he was glad I was there which I thought was really nice. But I still want Jesus! Less than two months to go hopefully!

Then this evening I went to our parish Fiesta. It was kind of awkward at first since I don't really know anyone and just went by myself. So I sat and listened to some music and played games on my cell phone. But then they started cleaning up so I started helping with that. I
really enjoy that kind of stuff and then I'm not just sitting around by myself. I also figure it is a good way to start being part of the community. It worked well at St. Paul's (my old church), so I figure it will work here too. They are always in need of people to do grunt work, and often it is the same people doing it, so you start getting to know them.

So I ended up stacking a bazillion chairs and tables! I'm sure I'm not exaggerating at all! I ended up working a lot with a guy named Rob. We stacked chairs and then ended up stacking tables. And there were A LOT of both! Then some of the other people who were working the Fiesta were sitting down drinking a beer and told us to join them. So I did for a little bit and kind of just chilled.

Now there is another big difference between Protestant churches, at least all the ones I've been to, and Catholic Churches. While I know plenty of people at St. Paul's drank, there were also probably plenty that would have been offended by it, and there was no way they would serve beer at a church event. But it isn't a big deal at the Catholic Church. Not a big issue for me either way. Just an interesting difference.

But now I'm off to bed. We'll see how sore I am tomorrow!

The Rosary

So I've been thinking a lot about the rosary this weekend. I made one on Friday:

And on Saturday after Mass my parish had a Rosary Rally. We all prayed the rosary together.

I'll admit, I still don't really "get" the whole Mary and the rosary thing. I don't have a problem with it or anything, but I just don't really get it. But I suppose I have spent the last eleven years of being a Christian pretty much ignoring Mary, other than the brief mention at Christmas, so I can't imagine that all of a sudden I'll get it and have this great understanding of and relationship with Mary as the Mother of God.

So I'm just trying to be patient. I'm trusting that eventually it will come and I will get it. And I'm also trying to cultivate a relationship with her. I figure I'll never have any kind of relationship with someone if I don't put out a little effort. So I'm trying to pray at least a decade of the rosary every night. And we will see how it goes!

Angels and Narnia

On Tuesday we talked a little bit about angels in my RCIA class since it was the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Angels have never been something I've thought about too much. I've kind of had a general belief in them and I don't think they are pretty people dressed in white, but that has been about it. I don't know if Protestants in general think less about angels than Catholics or if it is just me, but that has been my experience.

So as we were talking about all of this, I had this brief flash of understanding. I wonder if Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy are to Narnia as angels are to us. They were created separately from the people in Narnia, just like angels are totally different beings. And then seemed to show up when the people/animals of Narnia where in need, just as angels come to our aid.

I know it doesn't strictly corralate, the Pevensies aren't messengers from God and don't live in heaven with Him. And they weren't around to watch out for the Narnians all the time. But it seems just close enough to give me this little flash of understanding of angels. I'll admit, I still don't totally get it, but it seems a little bit closer now.

Trying to be Patient

Patience is a virtue right? That is what I tell all my kids at work anyway. Now I suppose it is one I get to work on myself. The problem is whenever I'm decided something, from which brand of electronic item to buy to which church I should be in, I go through more or less the same process. I think about it, read everything I can about it, talk to people, and pray (more so with churches, not so much with electronics ). And then finally after all of that, make a decision. By the time I get to the decision part, I'm ready for it to just happen! I'm ready to have whatever I decided to buy or I'm ready to be part of that church. I'm committed! But often there is still this waiting period. And I totally understand having this process for joining the Church, but I'm still a bit impatient sometimes!

All this to say, last night we started talk a little more about what the process for coming into the Church looks like. We talked about all the rights and periods and all of that stuff. They handed out a paper with all of the dates and such on it. At first my heart kind of dropped. When I signed up, the bulletin said the RCIA class ran through Easter and the Profession of Faith Class (for the already baptized) was 12 weeks long. So I was hoping that after 12 weeks, I could become fully Catholic. So when we got this paper last night my heart kind of dropped thinking I may have to wait until Easter. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind the classes or anything, they are good. But like I was talking about, I'm ready. I've gone through that process in my head and heart and I want to be able to participate in the Sacraments!

But then I turned the paper over and it had another side! The first side said it was for the unbaptized of the baptized and unchurched. The second side was for the baptized who are already practicing Christians. Hey, that is me! And for that side, they say you can enter the Church at any time after everyone has decided you are ready, but they usually do it twice a year, right before Advent and at Easter Vigil.

So the director is going through all of this with everyone. She is really stressing that it is a process and that for some people it will take longer, and they may not even be ready at Easter Vigil this year, and for others, they may be ready in a couple of months. We are supposed to go home and think and pray about it this week and then talk to our sponsors. And then we are going to turn in when we think we will be ready next week.

So I think I'll be ready, and hopefully my sponsor will say the same. And hopefully I might be confirmed and receive First Communion at the end of November. If they tell me to wait I will and I'll be patient with the process, but since they are asking my opinion...

Community

It has been a crazy week, so I haven't gotten around to writing about RCIA this week yet, but better late than never!

I had an interesting conversation before class started with a couple of ladies about the whole having a sponsor/companion thing. It sounds like it hasn't been the most organized thing in the past, but they are trying really hard to work on that and it is going well. We all got sponsors last week, well those of us who needed on, and they seemed really excited that we all seemed to be chatting quite a bit and getting along well. They were talking about how they really hoped that our sponsor would both be part of the journey and help connect us to the parish community. For example we have the parish fiesta coming up and I think they hope that our sponsors will invite us or something.

That excites me because that is the hardest part for me right now. I've dropped stuff at my Methodist church (in fact this is my last week teaching Sunday School), but haven't really replaced anything yet. And being active in my church is extremely important to me! It is who I am! So it is really hard being patient as I go through this whole transition stage.

It does help that I've been blessed by some amazing friends who have been really encouraging even though this isn't their journey. It was interesting, one day as I was chatting with my boss he asked if I thought I'd still be friends with the people I'm closer to at my old church. I told him without a doubt, yes! I'm thankful that I'm able to say that. It makes the transition a lot easier knowing that I'm not leaving everyone behind and that I have all these people who I love and still support me as I'm slowly becoming part of this parish.

I Get It!

I've read a lot of people conversion stories in this whole process of thinking about converting. And one thing I never really "got" was this huge anticipation for when they could finally receive the Eucharist. I mean I kind of understood that it would be a special moment and important and all, but I didn't really "get" this impatient waiting. I guess I kind of figured, I haven't received for 25 years, what is another few months. The you can't miss something you've never had kind of idea.


Well, I get it. The more sure I am about all of this and the more I go to Mass, the more I get it! I want to fully participate! I want to receive Jesus! I don't think it helped this week that I was reading the sections on the sacraments in my book, so that make me even more excited for the time when I will be able to participate. It is getting harder and harder to go up an cross my arms for a blessing. I get it!!!

Interesting Weekend

Well, it has been an interesting weekend. I went to Mass last night (Saturday) and it was amazing, as usual! What was really exciting was at the end during the anouncements Father started talking about this "push" to use our time and talents in service in parish. This got me really excited, I wanted to say "sign me up now!" I've been giving up all the things I've been active in, but haven't replaced them yet, so I'm excited about this. Hopefully it gives me a place to serve.

Then this evening I was sitting in my protestant church. It was interesting because I began to realize how much of my thinking is starting to go through this Catholic "filter" now. The pastor was talking about having a relationship with Jesus and how he can heal the broken places in our lives. So I ended up thinking about how excited I am about when I will get to participate in the Sacraments and how amazing that will be to have that special and very real contact with Jesus. I can't wait! Yup, I really am going to be Catholic!

Moments

Well, I just got back from "class" number two and I'm still really excited. We had a nice prayer time and talked about 9-11 for a few minutes. Then we talked about who had been to Mass that week and anything they noticed or any questions they had a such.

Then the pastor of our parish came and we all introduced ourselves to him, and everyone else. That was interesting to hear a little bit about everyone's background. It seems we are about half and half baptized and unbaptized. I think all the other people who had been baptized were baptized Catholic and just missed out on the rest of the sacraments somehow. And there were a lot of people there because their spouse was Catholic or they wanted their children brought up Catholic. But there seems to be a pretty wide variety of experiences.

Then we went over a couple of the questions people had from Mass (colors of the vestments and music) and then spent a couple of minutes talking with the person next to us about what we had read. I feel kind of silly because I'm on Chapter 7 already, but they said read it at your own pace, and well, I like to read!

Then we went over to the main church and had a tour. That was really nice. Some stuff I had kind of figured out as I went along, but there was plenty of new stuff too. We saw the sacristy, where the priests get ready and such, and the special drain into the ground. We talked about the candles where you can pray, the altar, and saw the marble slab that has a saints relics in it. We saw the baptismal fount.

We also peeked in the confessional booths. That was an interesting moment for me. I was a tiny bit nervous thinking about my first confession, but also really excited listening to the director talk about what a special sacrament it is. I really am getting more and more excited when I think about when I will finally be able to participate in the sacraments!

The other really powerful moment was when we were over next to the tabernacle and talking about it. She was explaining about genuflecting when we pass it and how we believe that Jesus is really truly present there. Then she pretty much just told us to do whatever we were comfortable with for now, but that Jesus was really just SOO excited that we were even there! The director was just so excited when she said this, that you could just feel God seeping out of her and really did believe that Jesus was that excited that we were even there!

We also stayed for the reposition of the Blessed Sacrament and that was really powerful too. Just that there Jesus is, right in front of us, right there with us! Again, it made me really excited for the day when I can fully participate in the sacraments!

Jumping In!

So, somewhere along the way this week, I seem to have fully jumped into the Tiber! I'm not sure how it happened really and there wasn't a big moment or anything, I just know at the beginning of the week I was thinking "I'm getting closer, but I'm not quite sure yet" and now I'm thinking "Yup, I'm in! I can't wait!" Maybe it had something to do with starting class this week or starting to tell some of my friends or just being ready. But I'm in! I'm ready!

Mass tonight was amazing again. It seems like the closer I get to the Church, the more amazing it gets. I'm sure at some time I'll be a little more used to it and some of the excited butterflies will settle down, but for now they are there!

I also actually went up for a blessing during communion tonight. I hadn't been because I had read that some churches do it and some don't and I wasn't really sure I wanted to anyway. But they encouraged us on Tuesday to go up and I figured I'm ready at this point, so I did! Just being up there and being part of the communion procession was neat, I can't wait for my First Communion, that will be even more amazing!

First "Class"

Well, I had my first Profession of Faith class tonight. It was interesting. I'm still sorting through all my thoughts and feelings, but I think I'm really going to like it. All the people were really nice and were extremely passionate about the whole thing which was neat. It is always encouraging to see people so excited about their faith. It also seems like it will be a good mix between "book learning" and faith formation. The leader talked a lot about it being a process not a program (they aren't classes either, they are sessions) which makes sense. This kind of thing isn't going to happen on the same timetable for everyone, and everyone is starting at a different place in it all. But at the same time, it doesn't seem like it will be fluffy or unorthodox. She also talked about the book we had and how we will have to stand up there and answer if we believe in all that the Catholic Church teaches, so we better know what that is! So it seems like it will be a good balance.

A couple things that struck me; first, she talked about mystery. She talked about how it isn't like a puzzle to be figured out, like a mystery book. It also isn't just throwing up your hands and saying "It is a mystery" and not thinking about anything. I wish I remember exactly how she said it, but the basic idea is that while we still try our best to understand and talk about things, at the same time, we know that our ideas and words are incomplet, that we don't see the whole. I like that, it is the balance. We try to understand and explain things as best we can, but because God is so big and so other, we will always fall a little short of what He actually is.

Another thing I liked, was we were talking about the Bible. She talked about if someone found your journal, would they have a pretty good idea of who you are as a person? Yes, but they wouldn't be able to totally understand the whole you. That is what they Bible is, it gives us a good idea about God, but we still can't totally understand God from it.

The other thing she talked about were kind of the four big focuses of this process. Catechism, learning about what the Catholic Church believes, the Bible, reading and processing it, community, becoming part of this community, and worship, participating in Mass. That makes sense to me, it seems like a nice well rounded approach to the whole thing. I guess for me, I feel like I have a decent grasp on the first two. I'm really excited about being part of a community, meeting people and haveng people around to be encouraged by and to encourage. And worship is what drew me to this in the first place, so that excites me!

I was also chatting with one of the people running it a little bit and she was telling me about one of the ladies who used to be in charge, and how she went through a similar thing as I am, trying to drop things at one church and adding them here. She mentioned how hard it had been for this lady. That was really encouraging to know that there people who have gone through what I'm dealing with and that they understand!

So that was pretty much it. Starting to get to know people and kind of a general overview of what the process would be like. It was interesting and it will be even better as I begin to feel more comfortable and get to know those around me.

Total Awe!

Mass tonight was just amazing! I'm not even sure why, it was just a normal Mass. I would guess it has to do with class starting in three days and me getting more and more excited about that. And i think I'm getting closer and closer to making that final jump of faith, that I really do believe in all of this, every last bit.

But I literally spent like half of Mass almost shaking, from the Consecration on. I was just so in awe of God and of the whole thing! And during communion as I knelled there, I usually pray, but I could express anything but amazement. I just knelled there and watched. I don't even really remember what I was thinking. I just know I was in awe.

I'm getting more and more excited about this whole thing! The scary part hasn't really gone away, but it is beginning to be overshadowed by my feelings of excitement.